RIP, Lord & Taylor

A few days ago it was announced that Lord & Taylor is going out of business, shuttering the 38 brick-and-mortar stores it owns, holding sales in person and online, then closing its doors forever. 

It already shut down its flagship Fifth Avenue store, whose windows would delight me every Christmas when I lived in the city, and whose shop clerks always seemed to know a little more about their merchandise than your average retail worker. At almost 200 years of age, Lord & Taylor is the oldest department store in the country.

For some time I have felt sad entering my local Lord & Taylor. It has been emptier than the rest of the mall, its days more numbered. I knew it wasn't long for this world, but I continued to shop there because its goods were quality and its demeanor was dignified. 

But soon it will be gone, following Hecht's and Woodward and Lothrop (D.C. area stores) and Wolfe-Wile, Purcell's, Stewart's and Lazarus (Lexington, Kentucky-area stores) and hundreds of others across this land. 

What went wrong? Just about everything, but most of all the boxes that "smile." I wonder how long we'll be smiling when all the department stores are gone.

Slower Walk

It's the kind of day I'd like to bottle, to store it up for a cold gray March morning. The humidity has broken and the breeze is blowing in a different season. It's still solidly summer, but with a hint of the autumn to come.

It is, in short, too glorious a morning to rush through ... so I took my time on this morning's walk.  I eschewed my usual fast pace for a more leisurely stroll. I looked up more often, found a big fat cloud to keep in my sights, enjoyed the view of the Blue Ridge I can see from the top of West Ox Road.

And on the way home, I ogled the three new houses that have shot up in the development across the road, noted all their windows, wondered how you will get to them since their backs are to the street. 

Idle thoughts for a lovely morning, a morning just now turning to afternoon. 

Stretch Marks

This is a house that has expanded and contracted so often during the last few decades that I almost wonder it doesn't have stretch marks. 

After so many comings and goings you develop a feel for the ebbs and flows. There is the excitement when it fills again, the sense of life returning to the old place. And when that life departs for other climes, there is, of course sadness but also calmness and stability. 

While it would be easy to call the house emptier after one of these leave-takings, I know that the old place is really just holding its breath. There will be visits and returns. There will be grandchildren crawling on these floors (goodness, I'd better mop them!). 

There is life in this old house yet.

The Grandparents Among Us

Within the last week, moving vans have twice lumbered down our sleepy street. In one case to move a grandma into a family's home; in the other, to move a family with a resident grandma out to a roomier place west of town. 

The disruptions of the pandemic, including virtual school, have put a new spin on resident grandparents, on their helpfulness and the value they add to nuclear family functioning. 

I wonder if some of these changes will become permanent, if we will move back to an older way of living, one where three generations living under one roof was the rule rather than the exception.

Now that I'm a grandparent, I wonder more about these things. 

(The old Vale Schoolhouse, which itself harkens back to an older era.)  

Like a Sundial

My once-shaded morning spot is now striped with sunlight as greenery thins and light lowers. To listen to the cicadas you'd never know that summer is winding down. They're as whirring and wonderful as ever. 

But to this stationary human, it's all in the angles and shadows: not just a later sunrise and an earlier sunset, but countless other reminders based on known shadow points.

Sometimes I feel like a sundial, my movements charted and parsed, my dial controlled by a vast, uncontrollable force. 

Me Time

People always want "me time," said the calm voice emanating from the screen, but we actually have a lot more of it than we might think. The way to retrieve it, he said, is to live mindfully, to stop thinking two steps ahead of ourselves to what we will do after the thing we're doing now. 

When I heard this during my guided meditation session today, little fireworks went off in my mind. Not because I'm always clamoring for "me time," a phrase that frankly makes me cringe. But because I know, in my heart of hearts, how much time I spend spinning wheels and riling myself up over nothing. 

It's largely to still those wheels and quiet that worried, one-step-ahead-of-myself feeling that I've sought the solace of sitting still and focusing on my breath. I am still so poor at it, though; I can barely make it 10 puny minutes before giving in to rumination. 

But the sudden awareness that freeing thought is also freeing time — understanding the power of that equation — well, that will make me try harder from now on. 

Why We Write

There are certainly mornings when I wonder what I'm doing here. Why share these observations with the blogosphere when I could just as soon express them to family or friends or jot them down in my journal?

I know the answer to that question, but I've seldom seen it explained as well as Susan Orlean does in her 2018 nonfiction bestseller The Library Book. 

Admitting that before the idea for The Library Book struck her she had sworn off writing books — "working on them felt like a slow-motion wrestling match," she wrote — she goes on to talk about why the idea pulled her in. The book, which recounts the Los Angeles Public Library's great fire of 1986 and the beauty and fragility of libraries in general, grew from the love of books Orlean developed as a child and the memory of afternoon excursions to the Bertram Woods Branch of the Shaker Heights (Ohio) Public Library system with her mother. Her mother, much older now and in the throes of dementia, wasn't remembering those library visits anymore. That left Orlean to remember for both of them.

"I knew I was writing this because I was trying hard to preserve those afternoons. I convinced myself that committing them to a page meant the memory was saved, somehow, from the corrosive effect of time.

"The idea of being forgotten is terrifying. I fear not just that I, personally, will be forgotten, but that we are all doomed to being forgotten—that the sum of life is ultimately nothing; that we experience joy and disappointment and aches and delights and loss, make our little mark on the world, and then we vanish, and the mark is erased, and it is as if we never existed. ...

"But if something you learn or observe or imagine can be set down and saved, and if you can see your life reflected in previous lives, and you can imagine it reflected in subsequent ones, you can begin to discover order and harmony. You know that you are part of a larger story that has shape and purpose — a tangible, familiar past and a constantly refreshed future."

Tiny Harvest

The single cherry tomato plant I bought in June has grown taller than I ever thought it would. It's been tied and jerry-rigged and is still producing flowers and fruit.

Last week, I harvested this bunch of beauties — just enough to drizzle with olive oil and mix with fresh-ground pepper, basil snipped from the pot right next to the tomatoes on the deck, and fresh mozzarella. 

The salad was yummy ... and what made this tiny harvest taste even better was knowing we'd grown the tomatoes right on the deck. 

Slow Sunday

It's already past noon, but I'm finishing up laundry and online church in hopes that the rest of the day will be slow enough to read and write and generally while away some time. My partner in crime: this hammock, which I plan to enjoy again as soon as I push "publish."

The evolution of Sunday from a day set aside for special treatment to just another weekend day is one I lament. Not that it would be fun to have stores closed and activities shut down. But it would be nice to have a day that is marked by doing less and reflecting more. A day devoted to gratitude and taking stock. 

Some would say we can get by with a few of these a year; we don't need one a week. But I think we might be happier and healthier if we could make slow Sundays the rule instead of the exception.

Spent

The climbing rose is losing its leaves and there are fewer rose hips than last year. Is the plant ailing or just tired after a long summer of heat and humidity? Probably a little of both. But it's not just the rose; it's all the plants, the ones that are here, fraying around the edges, and the ones I had hoped to plant ... but did not.

It's that time of year when you realize that what you have in the garden is what you get. The grand dreams of landscaping that were yours for the taking in the heady days of early spring seem silly now. There will be no clematis paniculata planted by the deck stairs, no zinnias by the mailbox. The weeds that once threatened are now welcomed because at least they are green. 

But this is not to sound an entirely disappointed note. There are some gardening success stories this year. The transplanted ornamental grasses are thriving farther down in the yard, beside the fence. And the knockout rose I bought on impulse has made a promising start (even though it will have to be moved, thanks to one of those doing-better-than-expected ornamental grasses). 

Still, it's time to acknowledge that we're moving out of the growing season, not into it. Acorns are falling fast and even a few yellow leaves have imprinted themselves on the black springy mat of the trampoline. In a month we will be entering meteorological autumn. Summer ... is spent. 

About Last Night

This blog is mostly apolitical, but I do want to comment on the speech given last night by the Democratic nominee for president, Joe Biden. It was the only night I tuned in — and I'm glad I did. 

Yes, it was strange and stilted, given the raucousness of a typical convention. But when the nominee finally spoke, he pulled me in. What got me was not the critique of the current president he offered or the plans for the future he laid out. What got me was the hope and the empathy he seemed to radiate, right through the screen.  

I felt, at last, that someone gets what we're going through right now, that we all need a sort of giant group hug (though of course a socially distant one). The truth is, most of us are hurting — in ways small and large — and we need the salve of understanding not the irritant of dissension.

The campaign is only just beginning in earnest. There are months to go before November 3. Anything can happen — and given the way things go now, anything probably will. But nothing can take away the moment of connection I felt last night. Or the thrill of hope that flowed from it. 

The Naturalist

Lately it has been cool and dry enough to throw open the windows and door. Yesterday I worked on the deck in the late afternoon light, feeling that perfect balance of temperature and air weight that makes humans feel content, at home in the world.

Other creatures were out there with me. The crickets chirped, their music blending with the tinnitus that has become so much a part of my background noise that I seldom notice it anymore. The hummingbirds sparred and fed. Copper wandered in and out the open door. A squirrel landed on a branch of our neighbor's tree, bending it with his tiny weight.

I was thinking the other day that working at home may turn me into a naturalist. Working outside, taking breaks in the woods instead of at the water cooler — for these reasons and many others I've gotten on myself for not knowing more about the trees I see, even the weeds I pull. 

For now, there's little time for this ... but when the impulse is there, the action may follow. Or at least that's what I hope.

Learning the Significance

I learned from the Writer's Almanac that today is the birthday of Frank McCourt, author of Angela's Ashes. I remember reading that book the first time and marveling at the pathos and the humor and that marvelous opener: 

"It was, of course, a miserable childhood: The happy childhood is hardly worth your while. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood. People everywhere brag and whimper about the woes of their early years, but nothing can compare with the Irish version: the poverty; the shiftless loquacious alcoholic father; the pious defeated mother moaning by the fire; pompous priests; bullying schoolmasters; the English and all the terrible things they did to us for 800 long years."

Angela's Ashes was on the best seller list for three years, won a Pulitzer and sold four million copies in hardcover. McCourt is the patron saint of late bloomers. He wrote the book in his mid-sixties. 

Re-reading McCourt's obituary I came across this lovely anecdote. When speaking with high school students in New York in 1997, he said this about his book and the writing of it, something that should gladden the hearts of all those who labor with pen and keyboard, or the hearts of all of us, period. "I learned," he said, "the significance of my own insignificant life." 

The Butterfly Effect

It's a beautiful day here, with a light breeze, low humidity and hummingbirds topping up frequently at the nectar bar. The perfect day to take breaks in the yard, picking up sticks and pulling stilt grass.

A few minutes ago the chainsaws revving in the distance finally claimed their victim as Folkstone lost another of its giant oaks. By now I recognize the harbingers, those first crashing-through-brush sounds that are followed by the thud of a massive trunk hitting the earth. I almost felt the ground shake. And I wasn't the only one. A distant dog began to bark, too. 

It made me think of the butterfly effect, a part of chaos theory which posits that small changes can have large effects, with the oft-used metaphorical example of a tornado's path being affected by the flapping of a butterfly's wings far away. 

Although that example is a simplification, small changes do have big consequences. We see it all the time in our lives, in everything from the first tiny crack in a windshield to the first small rupture in a relationship. I think that's why the concept of the butterfly effect caught the popular imagination. And why I thought of today, as the tree fell and the dog barked and I ... wrote my post about it.

In Person

Yesterday's rain has cleared out — an affront to the beautiful bridal shower my sister planned for her oldest daughter, a shower that went on as planned despite almost horizontal rain blowing into and around the gazebo near the Severn River, where it was held. 

The shower had already been moved outside to thwart the coronavirus, so the fact that we ended up with an atypical August monsoon made for the kind of event where everyone just shrugged and went on with it because, really, what else can you do.

But being there with family and friends yesterday reminded me of what life was like before mid-March, reminded me of gathering and chatting and pleasures we formerly took for granted. 

I know we must be careful when we meet in person, but it's good to be reminded that behind these squares on a screen are real flesh-and-blood people. They're around now and will be later, when all of this is behind us.

(The Severn River at sunset — in calmer, drier weather. )

Made with Love

Though I'm not of the Facebook generation — and am barely of Facebook — I know enough about its etiquette to know not to publish a photo of my new grandson before his mother does. But there's no law against grandmotherly gushing, so gush I will.

In short, the little guy is perfect. His dear little fingers and toes, his full head of dark hair, his skin that is so soft it's like you were touching nothing at all. I could have held him for hours, just looking, marveling at his dear face, his sudden yawns and stretches. 

A week ago, Claire and I had sat knee-to-knee going through her old baby clothes that I had washed and brought over. There was the little bib that spelled "C-L-A-I-R-E" in counted cross-stitch, the pink shirt that said "Special Delivery: Reston Hospital Maternity Center" — two girly things this boy baby may never wear. But plenty of gender-neutral duds as well, and those he will don, along with all his new clothes that at this point still swallow him up. 

I was struck yesterday, as I will be over and over again, of life's repeating itself in endless variation, of the love of his parents for him and for each other.  In another universe, with other rules, new life may spring fully formed from soil or wood or metal. I'm glad that in this universe it arrives in an impossibly tiny package, made with love. 

Brahms Second

A morning errand, almost there, the radio on a news station. It would be a long segment about something I didn't want to hear, so I pushed button six on the dial. 

The car filled with Brahms, the Second Symphony, the finale. I hadn't heard it in a while, had forgotten how sonorous Brahms can be, how you get swept up in the sound so that nothing else seems to matter.

I only heard the last 10 minutes of the work ... but it was enough.

On This Day ...

Yesterday, still giddy with the news of our first grandchild, I had no time for the details. Today, I look up, note the day, August 14, which was Claire's due date, and the famous people who were born on it: comedian Steve Martin; Russell Baker, author of the lovely memoir Growing Up; "The Far Side" cartoonist Gary Larson; and Doc Halliday, who survived the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. 

Those would have been interesting birthday mates, for sure. But it turns out there are some interesting characters born on August 13, too. There is sharpshooter Annie Oakley, who traveled with Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show and was the most famous woman in the world at one time; William Caxton, the first man to print a book in 1475, using the printing press that had just been invented 25 years earlier; and director Alfred Hitchcock, who made "Psycho, "Vertigo" and "Rear Window."

So the little guy will have plenty of birthday company as he makes his way through life. For now, he is eating and sleeping and getting to know the world. For now, he is still pure potential. 

(Thanks to the Writer's Almanac for these facts.)

Happiest Day

"The happiest days are the days when babies come," said Melanie in "Gone with the Wind." For my family, this is a happiest day, as we welcome our first grandchild and first boy baby in a generation.

It's an awesome thought, to know there is this new life in the world: the little fingers and little toes, the face that seems old and wise, a visitor from beyond.

We are grateful and excited, though nowhere near as much as his proud and weary parents. And we look forward to tomorrow ... when we hope we'll be able to hold the little guy. 

(Using this photo again, though I used it less than a month ago, because it's of my sweet Claire, already loving babies, though she was barely more than a baby herself. Now she has a baby of her own!)

Shooting Stars

By 3:30 this morning the sky was filled with thunder and rain. But only a few hours earlier, it was illuminated not by lightning but by the intermittent flashes of the Perseid Meteor Shower.

Viewed from the trampoline, which allows for an upturned gaze without a crick in the neck, the stitches of light were surprising and ethereal, each one a gift I didn't expect to receive. But the best one of all came when I'd only been at my post a few minutes. 

It looked more like a artist's rendering of a comet, with an orange-yellow fireball and a streaking tail that flowed into the velvety darkness. It may have been an "earthgazer," a type of meteor I only learned about today, known for its longer streak of brightness and most commonly appearing before midnight. 

Whatever it was ... it — and all the shooting stars I saw last night — took my breath away. They reminded me of the great beyond. They reminded me to look up. 

(Photo: Wikipedia)

Humidity

Humidity and dew points are meteorological variables that I've yet to fully understand. But I feel them and I see them and this time of the year that's all that matters.

On after-dark walks with Copper I see dew glistening in the grass like so many diamond chips. Moisture lingers in the morning, so much so that the doggie comes back from his early constitutionals with tummy hair drenched by it. 

As the day heats up all this moisture becomes a weight I try to move with fans and shifts of posture and anything else I can come up with. Sometimes I give in and move inside. But mostly, I just live with it in the outside office I persist in inhabiting. Because it's summer, and it's humid, and before long it won't be either.  

Endless Summer?

As we head toward the midpoint of August, the summer starts to feel a little frayed around the edges. The heat still shimmers on still afternoons, katydids still serenade us on sultry evenings. But the soul of summer, its freedom and looseness, is tightening up.

In a typical summer, you might see bright yellow school buses  lumbering down the lanes, going on dry runs, striking fear in the hearts of children — and gladness and relief in their parents. 

But this year, summer continues without this ominous marker. School will be virtual here so buses will remain parked in random lots around the region. It's what we always dreamed of as kids, what we didn't know enough to dread as parents. 

It won't be an endless summer. But right about now, it's starting to feel like it might ...

Poems through the Pandemic

In this morning's newspaper I read about a Covid-19 newsletter in Portsmouth, Maine, which carries, amidst the grim statistics and prognoses ... a poem. Once a week every Sunday Portsmouth residents can find something else to focus on besides numbers and test results.

The poems are supplied by Portsmouth's poet laureate, the 12th to serve in the role and one of several in the state of Maine. Here's one she wrote after she learned of the passing of a fellow poet:

Today I find the mask useful

along with sunglasses

to hide my tear streaked face,

not wanting to scare the barista

who has enough to deal with

behind his own mask. 

In general, writers weigh in later, sometimes years after a historical event.  Poetry is different, I think, and in this case it's helpful that poets are commenting in real time. 

Walkable Communities

An article in today's Washington Post describes what it says may be the community development of the future, as the pandemic has accelerated a trend toward telecommuting that was already in process. Called the Hub at La Plata, this mixed-use development makes it possible to walk to shops and live with one car — or even no car at all. 

An excellent idea ... and one that Reston, Virginia, where I (almost) hang my hat (you can walk to Reston from here) has been practicing for more than half a century. Though the New Urbanism roots of Reston have taken a beating over the years, there is still enough of the original plan to make you see the point and offer up a silent cheer for it.

I had just such a moment yesterday, when I fast walked on one of its many paved paths. Signposts directed me to South Lakes Village Center one direction and Hunters Woods Village Center the other. I didn't walk to either, but just knowing I could ... made all the difference. 

(A photo of Lake Anne taken from the top floor of Heron House, in Reston's oldest village center.)

Noting the Passing

The pianist Leon Fleisher died August 2 at the age of 92. I've written about him before, both as a pianist and writer. I even vowed to learn a piece of music because of watching him play it, a promise I have not kept, by the way. So the least I can do is honor the man here.

Fleisher was a master of reinvention: winning competitions as a prodigy, losing the use of his right hand, despairing for a while, then eventually remaking himself as a conductor, teacher and performer. The difficulty he faced almost sunk him — he considered suicide — but he emerged stronger as a result. 

“Time and again, I would look at my life and marvel that so many wonderful things had happened that never would have happened if my hand had not been struck down," Fleisher wrote in his memoir Nine Lives. "I couldn’t imagine my life without conducting. I couldn’t imagine life without teaching so intensely." 

Curiously enough, Fleisher's obituary shared the page with that of another artist and master of reinvention. The film director Alan Parker directed several movies I've loved, such as "Fame" and "The Commitments," movies that, until reading his obituary, I wasn't even aware were his. Like Fleisher, Parker took risks, made changes, didn't find a safe path and follow it but continued to learn and grow.

Two men, two creative careers, but one lesson (at least for me): Whatever you do, they say, don't get stuck. 

Joint Praise

Watching Tom recover (and nicely!) from knee replacement surgery makes me appreciate my own joints even more. That doctors can go in there, take out the diseased cartilage and bone and create a new knee (or shoulder or hip) from metal and plastic is amazing enough. But the originals are even more miraculous. 

Our joints are mechanical marvels that we take for granted every day. The range of motion, the strength and durability ... I will never look at going up and down the stairs quite the same way again. 

While I seem to spend an increasing amount of time keeping my birth joints in working order, I have renewed incentive to continue and increase this practice. Not because I don't admire the bionic versions, but because I'd just as soon keep the slightly creaky but still-so-serviceable ones I have. 

(Image: Wikipedia)

Night Walk

I took a flash light but didn't use it, because although it was dark, the clouds were illuminated in a strange sort of way, not glowing from within but lighter than they should have been at that time of night. 

It was a type of afterglow, but of sunlight rather than sunset. Clouds that had wandered into the evening sky and forgotten to dim their brights; clouds that almost looked fake, as if they were painted for the set of a high school musical. 

Walking home under the vault of heaven, staring at those clouds, I thought about how we so often forget that which is above us. It’s easy to do once inside, with our house pleasures and chores, with our television and computer screens, with the light they emit, the stories they tell. 

But all along, the night sky is out there, an abundance we ignore, perhaps because we must. Like all the seeds that never sprout, like all the words we never say. 

The Walking Wait

I thought I had prepared well for yesterday. I would be waiting most of the day in a surgical center, so I packed a light jacket, took plenty of books and settled in for the duration. 

The surgical center had other ideas. I wasn't allowed to stay there, due to Covid restrictions. I would be on my own all day in Bethesda, but of course wouldn't want to be sitting inside anywhere. 

It was on the way back to the parking garage to figure out a new plan that I saw the sign: Capital Crescent Trail. This rails-to-trails path runs from Chevy Chase through Bethesda down to Georgetown. It is shady most of the way, with a great vaulting canopy of mixed hardwoods to cool and refresh the walkers and bikers that use it.  

I couldn't believe my luck. This time, the wait wouldn't be sitting in a sterile waiting room. It would be outside under the sky and clouds. I started off slowly, having already taken a fast walk earlier in the say. But with hours to kill before returning I could wander as far down the path as I chose. 

I didn't turn around till Georgetown, almost to the C&O Canal towpath. I passed the Bethesda Pool, the Loughborough Mill and the dim spooky confines of the Delacarlia Tunnel (more on that in a separate post). It was a discovery-filled morning, a long, stretch-the-legs walk ... and the perfect way to pass the time and still be close by. My prescription for waiting: whenever possible, take a walk. 

Endeavor

The space ship Endeavour landed yesterday in the Gulf of Mexico, the first time a capsule had ever splashed down in that body of water — and from the the first flight operated by a private company. All this on top of the nine years it had been since American astronauts were launched into space from U.S. soil.

What struck me when reading the news accounts this morning was what astronaut Bob Behnken said after landing, thanking those who made the flight possible "for sending us into orbit and bringing us home safely. Thank you very much for the good ship Endeavour." 

What a lovely word, endeavor: so much longer than the word "try," more multi-faceted in meaning, more elegant in syntax. Though it is named for the space shuttle, the name spoke volumes about the vessel, the launch, the landing — and the times we live in. 

Back to Browsing

Returns still go in the chute, and holds can still be delivered to an outside table in a plastic bag. But for the bold and restless, you can also now enter the Fairfax County Public Library branches in person. I took the plunge ... and I'm so glad I did.

Though it was almost eerily quiet, it wasn't like being in an empty restaurant, a place you expect to be lively and people-filled. The communion we have with the printed page is silent anyway.

I'd forgotten how much I enjoy finding the books I read in tangible form — not clicking to retrieve them on a screen or downloading them in an audio file. But browsing, tilting my head to read the titles, scanning up and down the shelves. Seeking and finding.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of picking Susan Orlean's The Library Book because there it was in the "New Nonfiction" section and Anne Tyler's Clock Dance because I was over in the "S"s anyway, looking for Stegner's Crossing to Safety and her book was in the "T"s. It was the great pleasure of serendipity, of finding a book I wasn't looking for but that was waiting for me all the same. 

Hunted and Gathered

On my way to breakfast, I found four ripe blackberries, courtesy of my morning walk. It's a bush I've known for years, quite accessible to deer and other passersby. 

Since four berries do not a breakfast make, I sliced some peaches on my cereal, from a bag our neighbors gave us after they had picked them at a local orchard.

This means that two parts of this breakfast were locally grown, hunted and gathered. And then ... there's the Special K.