Sleight of Hand

A month from today Suzanne flies to Benin, West Africa, to begin her Peace Corps assignment. We've known about this for months, but now that we're down to the final weeks it's becoming more and more a reality. The map of Africa isn't the only thing swinging into high relief these days. So is the map of parenthood, the map of life even, if that isn't too melodramatic.

Children are supposed to leave their parents, start lives of their own. This is the natural order of things. I always believed this when I was the child, and I believed it as a parent, too — when my kids were young.  Now I'm having to put my money where my mouth is.

To stave off nervousness I'm concentrating not on how I'll feel when Suzanne takes off and am trying to imagine how she'll feel. It's a parental sleight-of-hand that many of us do unconsciously all the time. It's why we can smile through our tears.

I remember exactly the way I felt when I walked on the tarmac toward the plane that would fly me to Europe for two months backpacking with friends. I had just turned 20 and my whole life — and Europe! — were ahead of me. I felt like I was bouncing off the pavement. I was floating. That's the feeling I'll be trying to conjure up as Suzanne strides toward her future.