Bounding into the Future

Copper and I reached the gate at the top of our deck stairs this morning at exactly the same moment that a four-point buck landed in our yard. He had jumped over the fence, trotted down the slight slope and paused in his foraging, as if listening to a faraway call.

I've become quite inured to the deer around here. They eat the day lilies and even the impatiens, if there's nothing else. They cause auto accidents and are responsible for several dents in our cars through the years.

But seeing the buck this morning, so young and strong, stopped me in my tracks. I stared at him, mesmerized, and he stared back. He was beautiful, a messenger from a wild world. And indeed, in some cultures deer are sacred, a symbol of death and rebirth on account of their antlers, which they shed and regrow.

How perfect to see the deer on this day, which is itself a passageway to another world, another decade. I took the fellow as a good omen. And he — since he disappeared with a flash of his white tail — is not around to correct me on this.

(The stag I saw wasn't white, but he was noble. Photo: Wikipedia)

Fast Away...

Tomorrow is the end not just of a year but a decade, so in case this warrants two posts instead of one, I'd better get busy.

First, 2019 wasn't nearly long enough. It's a trait this year shares with its recent predecessors and will, I fear, share with its successors, too. On the other hand, the year didn't drag with direness so I can't complain.

It's a year that saw increasing dissension and partisanship, in our country and others, and I worry that 2020 will be worse in that regard.

Then there is the almost 70-degree high predicted for today and all that stands for in terms of climate change and environmental health.

As I look out my window at the bird feeder and the sparrows clustering around it, though, I see a balm for much of what ails us — our dear old Earth, which grows more precious by the hour.

Blog, in a Nutshell

Sometimes it all comes back like the rekindling of an old passion — the reason I started this blog, which is the walking and what it leads to, the new ideas, a fresh way of looking at something. Though I post about books and music and writing and more, it was walking that started it and walking that energizes it still.

No surprise this came to me yesterday, when the air felt more like spring than fall and a pair of doves rose up and fluttered off as I strode too close to them. I heard geese, too, a flock that has decided to winter here, I guess.

The light was soft and the scenery, to quote Hemingway, a movable feast, and I gobbled it up as I ambled past. Thoughts floated by, some of them even worth keeping. So I rushed home and wrote them down. And there you have it — the blog, in a nutshell.

Small Tech Victory

Though I envision the week between Christmas and New Year's Day as a black hole of relaxation, a time when I need do nothing but read, write, walk and watch movies, reality does intrude. Yesterday I even had to boot up my work computer — horror of horrors — to check on the old flexible spending account, a time sink if ever there was one.

To do this required the overcoming of several tech challenges, including the export of an Excel document. I was charged up by the fact that I did this without error, a small tech victory that inspired me to attempt others.

If increasing technical complexity is the sea in which we must swim, then small tech victories are the life rafts we must celebrate.

Walking to Georgia

On my getaway last month I briefly hiked the Appalachian Trail. I passed it quickly on the way up to an advertised 360-degree view, which was more like 345, since to reach the ultimate pinnacle required a little more rock scrambling than I wanted to do. But on the way back to the car, the AT was there and I was game.

But first, I had to decide: would I head to Maine ... or Georgia? A silly way to put it, of course, since I wouldn't be walking to either one, wouldn't even be on the trail itself for more than a few minutes.

Making the choice made me think, though. Despite all we hear about it being the journey not the destination that matters, endpoints make a difference. They shift the way we think about a trip. They color the journey.

In the end, the sun was slanting more fetchingly to the south, so that's what I chose. This is what I saw. Not Georgia ... but not bad.

After the Whirlwind...

The day was grand, filled with family and food and thoughtful gifts. In its wake there is gratitude and satiety and relief that I've no more gifts to buy!

Almost always after Christmas, I long for a cleansing, a de-cluttering, a new broom to sweep away the cobwebs.

At war with this instinct is the urge to relax, to actually do nothing except read, write and watch movies. And right now ... that's what's winning!

Merry Christmas!

Once again the days have passed, the splendid ones and the trying ones. Once again we've come back to this point, which is for me, and for many, the great pause. Christmas Day. Soon to be followed by New Year's Day and the delicious week in between. Once again I'll re-run this blog post, one I wrote in 2011. Merry Christmas!

12/24/11

Our old house has seen better days. The siding is dented, the walkway is cracked, the yard is muddy and tracked with Copper's paw prints. Inside is one of the fullest and most aromatic trees we've ever chopped down. Cards line the mantel, the fridge is so full it takes ten minutes to find the cream cheese. Which is to say we are as ready as we will ever be. The family is gathering. I need to make one more trip to the grocery store.

This morning I thought about a scene from one of my favorite Christmas movies, one I hope we'll have time to watch in the next few days. In "It's a Wonderful Life," Jimmy Stewart has just learned he faces bank fraud and prison, and as he comes home beside himself with worry, he grabs the knob of the banister in his old house — and it comes off in his hand. He is exasperated at this; it seems to represent his failures and shortcomings.

By the end of the movie, after he's been visited by an angel, after his family and friends have rallied around him in an unprecedented way, after he's had a chance to see what the world would have been like without him — he grabs the banister knob again. And once again, it comes off in his hand. But this time, he kisses it. The house is still cold and drafty and in need of repair. But it has been sanctified by friendship and love and solidarity.

Christmas doesn't take away our problems. But it counters them with joy. It reminds us to appreciate the humble, familiar things that surround us every day, and to draw strength from the people we love. And surely there is a bit of the miraculous in that.


Photo: Flow TV

Holiday Greetings!

There are fewer cards on the mantel each year, it seems — Facebook and high postage rates at work as well as the lovely ecards that I treasure, too. I still send out a slew of hard-copy photo cards, as I have every year since Suzanne was born. And I still cherish each card that comes in, maybe even more so now.

This year's crop brings much joyous news of health battles overcome (or at least at stalemate), of new babies here or on the way, of friends moving back to the area.

The mantel is a bit more crowded this year with a new clock, so I'm making room for the cards on the table, where I can pick them up and read them over and over.

They are, as always, a reminder of what matters most, of love and fellowship, of the fact that we are fellow travelers on the way — and that this is a time to rejoice.

Gift of Restraint

I"m just back from a last-minute shopping run, and I've decided that one of the less-appreciated but most important presents we can (not) buy is ... the gift of restraint.

Yes, I did pick up a few extra items, but there were many, many more that I did not. I avoided the games section, refuge of the lost and frantic. And the jewelry and toiletries, ditto. Doing this not only saves me money, but it saves my loved ones time because they will have fewer gifts to return this year.

This is not to say they won't find many gifts underneath the tree. They will! But there are some they will not find ... and they will thank me for that!

Choosing Fixtures

A brief pause from holiday topics to discuss ... bathroom fixtures. Shortly into the new year, we embark on the first major home improvement work this house has seen in almost a decade — and the first interior home improvement work in almost two!

It's long overdue, this bathroom remodel, but it involves myriad decisions and realizations, learning about things like tub drains, grout color and tile permeability. Things I never think about but now, unfortunately, must.

The other day, while doing my stair-walk at work, I ruminated on the little metal placards that hold the floor number and how they're attached to doors. And that made me realize how infrequently I think about how things are made. I slide along on the built surface of life, barely giving it a second thought. That is about to change.

Real v. Fake

As I prepare to finish my holiday shopping I'm encouraged to learn about an expense I have so far avoided this season. The nine-foot "Starry Night" artificial Christmas tree by Frontgate costs $2,474 — though you can score another tree from this brand for a mere $999.

I learned this from a Washington Post article this morning, which also contains these tidbits: Americans prefer fake trees by two to one. And last year 63 percent of Republicans said they planned to buy an artificial tree compared with 44 percent of Democrats.

In this house the trees are always real ... though never say never.

The Countdown Begins

Now the countdown really begins. Even December 18th and 19th have the aura of Christmas about them, and certainly the 20th does. These dates glow with an ancient brightness. They echo down through centuries. When will we hit the darkest day? When will we hit bottom and start to rise again?

Of course, these close-to-Christmas dates also have personal memories, harking back to childhood. They were the days that would never end, full of anticipation and wonder and even a little bit of fear. Had I been good enough? Would there be a bride doll or a bicycle or whatever else I absolutely had to have waiting for me underneath the tree?

Those days are long gone, of course, but memories of them linger and color late December, make it a magical time, even now.

Split Screen

Last night was perhaps best summed up by my daughter Suzanne, who sent around this text early in the evening: "Christmas in Washington: Cookies in the oven, Congress on TV." I imagine this was the case throughout the nation, where holiday activities met with political goings-on.

And in fact, there were decisions to be made. Does one trim the tree while watching members of Congress cast votes for article 1 and article 2?  How about addressing Christmas cars? Would that be a suitable accompaniment for watching the president be impeached? And does one keep the recorded carols playing, or turn them down out of respect?

I settled for a smidge of online shopping and a good conversation with Celia, who thinks there ought to be an upper age limit set for holding political office, just as there is a lower one. It's an understandable sentiment given what was unfolding before us.

Headlamp Stroll

Wearing a headlamp on this morning's early walk with Copper, I felt like a Cyclops treading my suburban lane. It's a strange sensation to emit light from your forehead — both convenient and powerful, even vaguely godlike.

But mostly, it's freeing, which means I can better juggle leash and doggie bag and still have one hand tucked in my pocket because, well, it's freezing cold out there.

In this season of light, when homes are decked out in garlands of white and colored bulbs, when my eyes search the darkness for the faintest trace of dawn, it feels good to emit light, as if within my own frail human self I carry what hope and heart I need. This is not true, of course. I know how much I need others. But for a moment, in the dark, it felt otherwise. 

Messiah Sing-Along

Tonight we gather again, the wavering sopranos, the alto who has a little sinus drainage and is wondering if she can hit the high notes, the tenor who hasn't sung in public since high school, the baritone who does this every year and secretly wishes he could have a solo.

Tonight we gather to sing Handel's great masterpiece, a most forgiving work, full of runs and other acrobatics but at heart a piece for the people— an egalitarian oratorio that welcomes all pilgrims.

I'm making educated guesses on the other singers, but I can vouch for this alto. I'll take out my score tonight with joy and trepidation. "And He Shall Purify" is not for the faint of heart. Nor is the "Hallelujah Chorus" with its pause right before the end, a trap that has embarrassed more than one singer.  In fact, challenges lurk in every recitative, aria and chorus of this piece.

But I can also predict the joy and gladness that will flood our hearts at the finish — that we, a group of strangers at 7 p.m. will by 8:30 have sung a great masterwork together. Yes, there will be botched runs and missed entrances. But the "hallelujahs" will ring out loud and clear.

(No, we were not singing in National Cathedral ... I wish!) 

Gaudete!

Yesterday was the Third Sunday of Advent, Gaudete Sunday, with rose-colored vestments and the theme of ... rejoice!

And rejoice I shall, starting with today, the birthday not only of Beethoven but also of our own sweet doggie, Copper.  To celebrate the former, I drove to Metro (through sleet and freezing rain) to the sounds of the lovely Archduke Trio, which made the drive almost bearable.

To celebrate the latter, we had a celebration over the weekend, complete with steak and cake. We sang a song and lit a candle and played with the little guy, who had somehow found the squeak toy I bought him and pulled it out of a shopping bag. Can he be smarter than we think? You never know...

Gaudete and happy birthday, birthday boys!

Walking and Looking

It was a skill I perfected when I lived and walked in New York City: When faced with a pedestrian barreling right at me, I learned to quickly glance down. To keep eye contact meant we'd likely find ourselves in one of those awkward dances where one heads right thinking the other will head left, only he heads right too. Looking down breaks the cycle and avoids collisions.

This behavior would not surprise Alexandra Horowitz. In her book On Looking, which I mentioned a few weeks ago, she describes pedestrian behavior as quick, fluid and fish-like. It depends on three basic rules (alignment, avoidance and following the person in front of you) plus a series of quick calculations made because we pay attention to each other.

Most of the time, people look where they are going. So the gaze is the giveaway. You can even follow someone's head, because people actually incline in the direction they want to go.

The one type of pedestrian that breaks this rule: the phone talker. "Their conversational habits change the dynamic of the flowing shoal," Horowitz writes. "No longer is each fish aware, in a deep, old-brain way, of where everyone is around him."

And this means that my looking-away skill doesn't work as well anymore.  Which is something I already knew, in my deep, old-brain way.

Drip Drip

I was already writing another blog post for today ... and then I stepped outside.

It was the very definition of a "misty moisty morning," warmer since yesterday's cold rain, but still delightfully soggy with cloud swaths and drip-drips and absolutely no reason to be outdoors. Unless, of course, you have a dog who needs a walk.

And because I do, I was thrust out into this watery world, there to admire the droplets of water that grace the tips of each weeping cherry bough. They glittered, these droplets; they looked like the tiniest of flashlights, or maybe the ends of lighted scopes.

Undoubtedly there is physics at work here, surface tension perhaps, or maybe even something that involves an equation. All I know is that each droplet seemed so fabulously close to bursting that the sheer improbability of that made me smile.

Photo by John Thomas on Unsplash

Moonset

I woke early yesterday, as I do these days. Woke to a bright world, a full moon, and a persistent one. Even though the sky was lightening in the east, the moon was hanging on, slightly mottled with a haze of clouds, but still there.

It was strong enough to throw shadows on cars and houses — but soft enough to preserve the pre-dawn hush. It shined on a sleeping suburban world, utterly still, with frosted leaves that glittered in the grass.

In much of the world, moonlight matters. It's the difference between seeing and stumbling. I thought about that as I walked west, into the moonset.

Ugly Sweaters?

For our office party today we've been told to wear our Christmas sweaters, "the tackier the better."  I'm wearing mine, but I doubt it will win the prize — and I hope it doesn't.

My Christmas sweater was a gift, and it was given with love, so I don't want it to be skewered. But more to the point, I'm against ugly sweater contests in general because — strange as it sounds — I feel sorry for the sweaters.

I've been trying to figure out why that is. Could it be the way I sentimentalize clothing, a habit that has filled my closet with items that would be better off at Goodwill? Or could it be deeper than that?

Christmas sweaters, like Jello salad and green bean casserole, speak of an earlier, less ironic era. Could it be that in satirizing sweaters with appliqués and rick-rack we're announcing that we're beyond such froufrou — even though we're following the fashion of our era just as rigidly. (Will we someday have ripped jean contests — the more ripped the better?)

Seems to me that with all there is to celebrate at the holidays, choosing to belittle something (even something that's asking for it) is a poor use of our time.  I know, I know. Lighten up — it's just a sweater. But maybe ... it's more.

(This is not my sweater. It's from an invitation to an ugly sweater contest.)

A Dusting

If I blink I'll miss it, but my part of northern Virginia is awakening to a dusting of snow on grass and cars. It will melt away as soon as it has a chance but it's good to see it again, if only briefly.

Even as I write these words, I ask myself, why the excitement? Cold weather bothers me and I don't like driving in snow.  The vague tingle has to be left over from childhood, the sudden gift of a day off school.

But there is more, too. Snow transforms; it softens the landscape, makes it otherworldly. There is wonder in that, and a release, too.

(This photo was taken a few years ago when there was considerably more accumulation — but it proves the point!)

Light the Lights

Every year the lights matter more. Every year I wait for them, for certain houses that I know will pull out all the stops. With them we shake our tiny fists at the darkness. With them, we remind ourselves that spring will come again.

One house I pass on the way to Metro drips with soft white icicle lights. The bevy of bulbs transform this simple two-story into a fairy cottage.  It's the slant of the roof and the way the house is tucked into the trees that does it. I could imagine Hansel and Gretel wandering up, expecting it to be made of gingerbread and marzipan. How kind of the occupants to leave the lights on till morning so we early commuters can be enchanted too.

I wonder if people know how much their efforts gladden the souls of passers-by. In that way lights are a visual reminder of how kindness spreads — from one harried heart to another.

Winter Lite

There are winter days when birds chatter in the hedges and what sun there is feels warm on the face. Holly berries gleam, set off by the occasional flash of scarlet from a cardinal.

I think of these days as "winter lite." There is still a texture to them. They don't yet have the scoured look and acrid smell of January cold. Yesterday was one of these days: it started cold but finished bright and sunny. Downy woodpeckers discovered the suet block and chickadees chittered at the feeder.

We bought our Christmas tree at a lovely church lot, rather than driving an hour west of here to cut it down. It was a welcome change — carols rang out over the parking lot and eager Boy Scouts put the tree on top of our car.

Winter lite: I'll take it.

Trust Exercise

It's 24 degrees this morning as I take Copper for his early morning walk. He and I have a pre-dawn rendezvous. He wanders into the living room fully expecting me to be there, because, of course, I usually am.

It's not important to him that I'm trying to get some writing done, or some online shopping, or that I'm checking out bathroom fixtures or insurance questions or any other of my oh-so-human preoccupations.

He wants the crisp air of winter in his nostrils, the crunch of frost-stiffened grass under his pads. He wants to trot a few houses down the block as if he owned the place, then trot those same few houses back to the sure promise of a yummy breakfast and a warm house.

His trust is pure and complete. I could learn something from it.

The Other Green Chair

When the children were young and misbehaved they were sent to the green chair. It's a nice chair as chairs go, roomy, upholstered in leather (or some leather-like substance) and situated beside a window. True, it does sit in a corner — but it faces out not in.

It's been many years since the green chair was used for time-outs, though sometimes I sit in it myself when I really, really need to finish writing an article.

But lately, there's a new green chair in town. It's a small, quaint, upholstered in green velvet, and curiously enough, sits right across the room from the original. It's a corner chair with tufted armrests and a funny pie-wedge shape that would be uncomfortable to sit in even if it was refurbished. It's here because it belonged to my mother's side of the family and has meaning.

When we finally got it in the house, I was puzzled about where to put it, but when I found this corner I knew it was supposed to be there all along. You can sit there and look at the other green chair. Or you can look out the window — not for long, of course, because your back would start to ache. But during that time you can ponder what strange creatures we humans are.

Sentimental furniture: can't live with it, can't live without it.

Salute to Sunrise

My classical radio station has begun playing a salute to the sunrise. Every morning at 7:14 (can it really be that late now?) or, eventually, 6:05 (ah, that's better!), you can hear a flourish of strings and a fanfare of trumpets. Look out the window, the host says, at another glorious sunrise.

I like this because it reminds us of a meteorological miracle, a fact that can be ignored or noticed. We can stay in the darkness or turn toward the light. We can keep our eyes down, staring at our phone, or we can lift them up, to the heavens.

It's easier to look down. Not just because gravity pulls us this way, but because we are busy. We have work email to check, social media to scan. But looking up just takes a minute, and in that minute we can reorder our day.

Listening In

While I consider myself a law-abiding citizen, I do enjoy eavesdropping. The act of listening in on a conversation is usually not criminal, of course, but it can be. I like to think I keep the habit in check.

Nevertheless, if I'm out to dinner I sometimes listen harder to the conversation at the next table than I do to my own.  This is not an admirable trait, but I can't help myself. Maybe it's the writer in me, the observer. But maybe that's just an excuse.

This morning I realized how much I eavesdrop while walking (walks dropping?), having harvested two juicy bits of dialogue just on today's stroll from train to office:

"It was real Louisiana gumbo," said one camo-clad soldier to another as a group of them breezed past me as I emerged from Metro.

The other was uttered by a top-coated, loafer-wearing man who was striding beside me down a Crystal City street.  "Yes," he said into his phone. "Northern Macedonia."

Ah, the tales one could spin from these tidbits. But alas, I have other work to do, so for now, these snippets will remain ... just snippets.

Malawi Memories

This time last year I was catching my first glimpse of Africa's Great Rift Valley. In Malawi for work, I was bouncing around the countryside in a car full of colleagues, exploring small villages and learning what they were doing to help fight child labor.

Some villages built homes for teachers, tidy brick structures that provided a fresh start for an instructor and his family. Others started commercial enterprises — a grain mill or a dormitory for older students — and the money they made from these was used for school fees or uniforms.

It was a quick trip but a wonderful introduction to the vast plains and awesome peaks of this beautiful and warm-hearted country. And this week I'm reliving it, seeing it again in memory, marveling that somehow, improbably, but in actual fact ... I was there.

A Different Day

A week ago today I awoke in a tiny house in the Blue Ridge Mountains. On my to-do list: write, read, and savor the landscape. Not bad as to-do lists go.

Today's list is looking a lot more businesslike: Editing articles, writing headlines, having meetings. It's still not bad as to-do lists go, but it's significantly less creative than last week's occupations.

But how much depends on what we make of it? I write from my fifth-floor window seat (loosely construed, this term "window seat" — all it means is that my chair is pulled up close to the window) and the sun glints off the curved corner of the building next door. Leaves fly in the brisk wind, and they are gleaming too, as another day, a different day, begins.

Typographical Tone of Voice

If this post goes according to plan, I may insult you several times. That's because I am, in that old-school, print-based way, using periods at the ends of sentences. (See, I just did it again. And again.)

In Because Internet, Gretchen McCulloch brings the term "typographical tone of voice" to my (somewhat luddite) attention. Exhibit A, she says, is considering all caps to be shouting (which is hardly news to anyone, even luddites). But a more subtle expression of typographical tone of voice is what she calls the "sincerity exclamation point."

Ah yes, I think, this is why I'm using using exclamation points so much despite inwardly chafing at them. This is not due to grammatical sloppiness, but to friendliness and cooperation. When I say "Thanks!" at the end of a business email, I'm merely indicating that, sure, I don't mind editing this piece quickly. I'm happy to do it (even if I'm not).

Periods are another matter. "For people whose linguistic norms are oriented toward the offline world, the most neutral way of separating one utterance from the next is with a dash or a string of dots," McCulloch writes. But for someone whose linguistic orientation is more modern, the line break is the most effective way of separating utterances. In that case, then, the period is extraneous, and perhaps holds other meanings. In fact, it could even be considered passive aggressive.

But don't worry, McCulloch assures us, in formal writing periods are still emotionally neutral. To which she adds this puckish footnote: "Or at least, I sure hope they are, because otherwise you're halfway through a book where I've been passive-aggressive to you the whole time. SORRY."

Appreciating Advent

It's the first day of December and the first Sunday of Advent, and I've been trying to remember the last time we had such a tidy confluence. With Christmas on a Wednesday, that means each Advent Sunday will have its due, too.

I love Advent — the medieval-sounding hymns, the plain purple vestments, the wreaths and calendars, the air of joyful expectation.  Advent is about preparation, and I love that, too, because it reminds me that there are things worth waiting for and they are all the sweeter once they arrive.

Advent is often lost in the shuffle, folded into the Christmas season, but it has much to offer on its own. It reminds us to plan and anticipate, to watch and wonder, to read and reflect — and to do all of that secure in the knowledge that what we search for we will find, what we long for will be given to us.