Together Again

It's the last day of January, and I'm thinking ahead to tomorrow's post, the only guest post I have all year. My mother will "write" that one, as soon as I browse through her papers and find which of her writings to highlight.

In the meantime, I'm thinking about Mom, who would have turned 98 tomorrow. Yesterday I was repairing a tear in a blue-striped toddler dress that I wore as a baby. I found the pinafore for this dress earlier (see basement decluttering, below) and put it aside for sweet Aurora. When I delivered it to her on Saturday and her mother slipped it over her head and shoulders she immediately started to dance. It's that kind of garment. 

But a pinafore requires a dress, and once I dug through another box and found it, I could see why I'd not set it aside, too. The dress was badly torn, the skirt pulled away from the bodice, the sash unattached on one side. Nothing to do but find a needle and thread and begin. 

Once I got into the project, I could see the previous repairs, the mended side seams, the hem that Mom had let down, her stitches surprisingly small and tidy. For an hour or so last night I felt like we were working shoulder to shoulder, laughing and chatting as our needles flew, together again.

The Appointment

I made the appointment, and I'm keeping it. Not the dental appointment, though I made that one, too. This one is with the Reston Used Book Shop, where I'll take a box of books tomorrow. If I can lift it, that is. 

I've written before of purging and rearranging, of my meager attempts to bring order from chaos. This current book removal project began as part of an ongoing basement decluttering effort, and has spread upstairs to a slew of double-booked shelves. 

The question now: Do I start filling another box to give away? Not so fast. I don't want to overdo it. So I  haul the carton to the car for tomorrow's date with destiny. That's enough for now. I think I'll celebrate ...  by ordering a new book. 

(The future home of many of my books, I hope.) 

The Victorians

They drugged their babies, wore four layers of underwear and often went hungry. They are the Victorians, and they may as well have been ancient Greeks so different are the lives they lived from our own. 

I learned these facts from the book How to Be a Victorian and the experiences of author Ruth Goodman, who lived for a year on a Victorian farm where she dug turnips, squeezed into corsets, and brushed her teeth with soot (which she recommends as an alternative to modern toothpaste). 

More than halfway through the book now, I can say with some certainty that life was difficult for most Victorians, who worked hard and ate little. It makes me wonder about the lives of ease that so many of us live. How has comfort shaped us? How did adversity shape them? 

(Halfpenny meals for poor children, 1870, from Wikipedia)

Standing Ovation!

My rule for a standing ovation is this: if the performance deserves one it should lift you up, almost a levitation, and you should find yourself standing as if by magic. 

I don't always follow this rule. You stick your neck out when you leap to your feet before others. And you seem the curmudgeon when you stay seated while everyone else is standing. 

Every so often, though, conditions are right. The music moves you, you've cleared your lap of program and purse, and when the last notes sound you're ready to jump up and start clapping. 

That's what happened last night when the National Symphony Orchestra played the final bars of Shostakovich's Symphony Number 5.  It's a prodigious work, one I've loved since I first heard the Leonard Bernstein recording of it at my friend Barbie's house in high school. 

I listened last night with significantly altered ears, heard the suffering and the pathos of it, the triumph, too. I felt the shiver down the spine, the frisson that cannot be faked. I knew that when it ended I would be on my feet.  It was the least I could do.

(The Kennedy Center Concert Hall stage, January 25, 2024)

Auld Lang Syne

It's Robert Burns' Day in Scotland and elsewhere as fans of the poet raise their glasses to toast the man and his verse, preferably at a Burns Supper, where haggis is eaten, strong drink is quaffed, and songs are sung (some of them not suitable for mixed company). 

I saw little of Burns at the Writers' Museum in Edinburgh. His room was being renovated. Instead, I looked at the exhibits of his compatriots, Robert Louis Stevenson and Sir Walter Scott. 

But today's festivities are a perfect excuse to write about Scotland, look through photos of the place, and honor one of the most famous of Burns's poems, Auld Lang Syne.

And there's a hand, my trusty fiere!
And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak' a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne.

Gift of Sight

During these wide-open days of winter, I've been keeping a pair of binoculars on my desk. They're fast becoming an essential element of this writer's toolkit. 

I'm watching a fox sun himself in a sunny corner of our backyard. He paws at the snow, ambles around the hollies. Every so often he glances up with his perky ears and catlike face (a winning combination since the rest of him is doglike). Does he see me watching him? 

I marvel at the alertness of his posture, the thickness of his reddish-brown fur, his winter coat. I imagine the feel of the sun on his back, the generations of wildness in his bones. 

He is a gift, as are the woodpeckers and cardinals at the feeder. A reminder of the creatures who live among us, the natural world we inhabit. The binoculars help me see the fox and, by extension, all of creation.

Woods in White

The main roads were plowed by Saturday, but wind chill kept me inside. By yesterday, though, temps edged up to the high 30s, and I was itching to leave the house. Would the Reston trails be clear? 

Some were, and those that weren't I avoided, snapping a photo instead. 

I trod paths I haven't walked in a while, passed the "laughing tree," which now sports a white mustache. 

There was a thin layer of frosting on bowed limbs, like a squiggle of toothpaste on a toothbrush. 

I hiked for more than an hour. I was not alone. 

Another Bronte

It's prime reading weather — long nights, cold days — and I recently bought an e-book to keep me company: 50 Masterpieces You Have to Read Before You Die (Volume 1). How could I resist 50 classics for two dollars?

True, I've already read many of them. I was an English major, after all. But I doubt I would have started The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Bronte had it not landed on (in?) my electronic nightstand. It's an epistolary novel, a tale told entirely in letters and journals, and a reminder of how life was lived in an earlier, calmer and difficult-to-be-anything-but-landed-white-male-gentry time.

Though I can't say Anne has become my favorite Bronte — it would be hard to dethrone Charlotte (Jane Eyre) and Emily (Wuthering Heights) — her novel grew on me, and by the end I couldn't put it down, so thoroughly was I rooting for Helen and Gilbert to marry and find happiness. No spoiler alerts here; you'll have to read it yourself to find out. 

(Photo: Wikipedia)

Soon to be Gone

The snow is falling as I write. It's piling up on the deck, weighing down the potted ivy, filling in the footsteps, smothering the covered chaise. After having no snow for 24 months, two storms in a week have dumped more than a half a foot here. 

As mentioned earlier, I'm not a skier or a snow-shoer, and I tiptoe around ice. But I love to watch the white stuff coming down, to marvel at the way it clings to every branch and twig. I like the way it banishes the wanness of winter, the contrast it provides. 

As it grows lighter here, ghost trees emerge from the backyard: spindly white arms, tall dark trunks. Small birds clog the feeder, land lightly on a snow bank, fluff the flakes with their little tails.

Soon I'll celebrate the 14th anniversary of this blog, which was conceived in snow, made possible by the week off work that snow provided. Snow was my first topic. Strange since we have so little of it anymore. Another way in which these pages celebrate not only the here-and-now but also the soon-to-be-gone.

Still a Baby

The new year is no longer the shiny new penny that shows up from time to time in my change purse. It has dulled around the edges. But when I look at the days proportionately — 18 out of 366 — 2024 is still in its infancy. A resolution stands a chance with odds like that.

Which is why I trundled out to a yoga class at 8:30 on the coldest morning of the year yesterday. Not just for the stretching and the strengthening, but also for the meditative aspect of it. 

The trip was worth it. The class was small, and the instructor was experienced. She took us through a variety of poses and encouraged us to use our breath to get into and out of them. Studio lights were low, music was soft. When I left, the new year seemed young again. 

(Ah, to be as limber as a baby! Photo: CCC)

No Nonsense

When I woke a little after 7, the sun had not yet begun to strike the sides of the big oaks I can see across the road. But it was light enough to assure me not all the snow had blown off trunks, limbs and branches. 

Traces of high contrast are still there, the symphony, synchrony, of black and white. The only color I see in my window-scape is the barest touch of dark green from the hollies at the fence line. But I'll soon find more in the Great Outdoors, having somewhere to be in less than an hour. 

"Take winter as you find him," wrote James Russell Lowell, "and he turns out to be a thoroughly honest fellow with no nonsense in him. And tolerating none in you, which is a great comfort in the long run."

We'll see about that. 

Finally!

We woke up to five inches of the white stuff, a steady snowfall that has transformed the entire region. Often we're poised right at the snow-rain line, or the snow-ice line, a result of our particular geography and topography — some parts of the region near the coast, others near the mountains. 

It's been a while since we've had this much snow, and with temperatures in the 20s and 30s, it may even hang around more than a few hours. Right now I'm looking out my office window as the bamboo slowly loses its burden and pops back into place, freeing up more views of the yard beyond. 

I'm not a big sledder or outdoor winter sports enthusiast, just a snow appreciator. I like how white winter weather turns humdrum landscapes into other worlds. 

I'm Hooked!

I noticed it as soon as I finished the project, a baby blanket. I knew then that I would have to start crocheting something else before too long. 

It's funny how I can go for years without needlework but then it blossoms back into my life and I can't live without it. The crochet hook between my fingers, the yarn moving through them, keeping it taut (or trying to). Seeing a skein of wool become an afghan.

Crocheting siphons off energy that would otherwise become rumination or worry. Crocheting calms and soothes. I'm due for another project. Another blanket, two colors at least. One of them pink. 

Puddle Jumper

Last night's deluge tapered off by morning, leaving plenty of puddles in its wake. They presented a small challenge to the early-morning ambler. 

Despite the burbling, hard-working storm drains and runoff ditches, water was still pooled on walkways and streets.

Some puddles were best navigated by stepping around them, partly on tufted islands in the saturated grass and partly on the slightly raised edge of the macadam path. 

Other puddles were small enough for me to jump. Luckily, there weren't too many of those. 

Spreadsheets, Schmedsheets!

I'm sure it's psychological, just one of those quirks, but whenever I work with a spreadsheet, I have to take a deep breath. I tell myself that I'm typing characters on a keyboard just as I am when I type words, but that doesn't help. 

I think it all goes back to the ancient typing class I took in high school. It was a last-minute elective, and still one of the most valuable classes I've ever taken. But for some reason (senioritis?) I dropped it when we came to the numbers section. It was my last class of the day and I didn't need it to graduate.

It was a bad decision. With a few weeks of numbers practice — and a few missed phone calls with friends (don't know what else I was doing after those early dismissals) — I would have been able to touch-type numbers as quickly as I do letters. 

Who knows? Staying in that class might have changed my entire career trajectory. 

But I doubt it. 

Taizé Prayer

I'd heard about it for years but usually have a conflict on the night it happens. Last night I didn't, so I drove to the church in the dark and walked into a shimmering, candlelit chapel that scarcely resembled its everyday self.

There were icons on the altar and candles flickering around the sanctuary, illuminating the rough-hewn brick walls. There were two tables of thin tapers for lighting to elevate your prayer intention. There were many in attendance, but a hush filled the room. 

Taizé is an ecumenical monastic community in France with worship services of repetitive chanted prayer. Its model has become popular around the world. 

We sang in Latin, we sang in English. We were accompanied by piano, organ, violin, oboe and clarinet. The melodies were like plainsong, and in their repetition was the music of the ages.  

Silence punctuated the service: a silent entrance, a silent exit, and a stretch of silence in the middle, time for quiet contemplation — "essential to discovering the heart of prayer," the handout told me.

I left feeling renewed, inspired, quieted. 

(Photo: courtesy Arlington Catholic Herald.)

Double Digits

January takes its time. It does not rush. It dawdles. It sashays down the runway of months with all the model moves. The turn, the pivot, the pout, the graceful sweep. 

I don't want to be rude, but get moving, Jan. We know your power — your winds, rain, snow and cold. We know what you can do. We know you have the days to do it in, too: a full complement of 31.At least we're in the double digits now.

In my house the Christmas tree has come down, the decorations are boxed and shelved, the living room corner is dark and boring. 

Spring has been known to peek around the edges of February, but there's one long month in its way. A month that feels like it should already be over. I'm talking about you, Jan.

Artificial Intelligence

I'm thinking about artificial intelligence this morning, about what it knows and how it knows it, about its regulation, about the world we're creating with it. 

Because I've built a career on words, and bots can now string words together so well that most of us would be hard-pressed to tell the difference, I want to think there's a level of creativity, a depth of soul that human-generated content has locked in. But because bots use creative, soulful work to build their models, that's not necessarily the case.

Some writers work with AI to perfect their prose style. Others rail against it with sentences not as felicitously crafted as those they critique. Who will win this battle? That's a question we can't answer now — and won't be able to answer for a long time. 

(These books are filled with human-produced content. Will future books be able to say the same?)

Two Minutes

The tea has two more minutes to steep. I have things to do. Can I write a two-minute post? Yes, I can, though it will not be one of the best ones I've ever written. It may not even be mediocre. But it will be completed.

This is not the way I typically commune with the page, but I'm deadline-driven enough that when necessary I can put on some speed.

There's only one thing about a two-minute post — or at least this two-minute post. It's only about writing a two-minute post. Nothing else.

Sharing Epiphany

Today is Epiphany, celebrated as Christmas by some and as a day of wonder and awe by others. I'm one of the latter. For me, this is a day to celebrate the aha moments of life.

Which brings me to an op-ed I read in yesterday's Washington Post. In it, James Naples, a surgeon and medical residency program director, shares how he conquered the yips, an unexplained loss of skill that affects high-performing athletes, performers and, apparently, surgical residents. 

Early in his training, Naples explained, he began to struggle through even basic procedures. "My head had gotten in the way of my hands." Then he met a new senior surgeon, Dr. E., who in the three minutes it took the two of them to scrub for an operation, totally changed the younger surgeon's trajectory. The older doctor was warm and open and approachable. There was only one thing to avoid doing in the upcoming procedure, he said. "Everything else is fixable." 

The effect on Naples was profound. The younger surgeon realized it was okay to make mistakes, that it was part of the learning process. Now he's mentoring new doctors, encouraging them to share their fears and doubts. '

I'm not a surgical resident, but the lesson that "all mistakes are fixable" resonates with me, too. "What thing worth doing — in our jobs, families or communities — is not susceptible to the folly of perfectionism?" Naples asks. "With honesty and empathy, we all can help others find peace with fallibility." I'm grateful that Naples had his epiphany and shared it with the rest of us.

(A photo not of surgery but of an Epiphany surprise.)

Slow Snow Going

It's not that I want a blizzard, nothing as extreme as that. But a few inches on the grass, enough for the neighbor kids to build a snowman — that would be nice. 

There was a flurry of snow talk earlier in the week, safely couched in disclaimers: It could be rain, or snow, or sleet ... 

But the latest forecast for tomorrow sounds more definitive: It will start as snow and turn to rain. If we lived an hour west in the mountains it would be a different story. But here, in the suburbs, we won't have the white stuff for long. 

It's early in the season, though. There's still time.

(The woods in snow five years ago.)

In Person

It's been four years since a virus from China began to enter our consciousness, slowly at first (it was so far away!) but eventually spreading around the world and taking over our lives.

Last night I hosted book group at my house, the first in-person meeting here since 2019. It felt good to sit in each other's presence, to laugh and talk and drink tea, to plan for the future. The four years we spent on Zoom were good in their own way, but I'm glad we're back in person. 

Four years have brought other changes. In the past, I would rush home from work to vacuum, dust and bake, barely finishing the prep before the first guest knocked on the door.  Tonight's do was different. I had time to wash out the delicate Belleek sugar bowl and cream pitcher, to arrange squares of dark chocolate on a plate in honor of the book we discussed — Bittersweet.  I even had a chance to look over the notes I'd taken on the book. 

Sometimes I miss the hectic life I used to lead. And sometimes (less often) I miss Zoom. But I didn't miss either of them last night.

(In person in a bookstore — with a friend, of course.)

Turqoise Trail

A new year, a new direction. Yesterday I walked a familiar trail, but instead of heading straight at an intersection, I turned left and kept going around in a big circle along a route known as the Turquoise Trail.

I'm not sure why the path is named after this particular shade of blue, but I like the alliteration — and I liked the trail, too. It was 30 minutes around, a perfect length for a blustery January afternoon. 

There were a few dog walkers and some hearty hikers decked out in hats and scarves and gloves. Winter is here, whether we like it or not. Walking through it (almost always) makes it easier to take. 

For Charlie

Today I note the passing of Charlie Clark, journalist extraordinaire. I met Charlie our first month in Northern Virginia. His wife is a former colleague and dear friend of one of my best buddies. Charlie and I had writing in common, too, so when we bumped into each other, we traded tales. 

Charlie was an energetic reporter, a storyteller, a lover of words and community. He brought the two together in his "Our Man in Arlington" column for the Falls Church News Press, which he wrote for years. In his last few weeks he interviewed philanthropist David Rubenstein and covered a court hearing on the "missing middle" debate in Arlington. 

In addition to his day job and his column, Charlie wrote a novel, several books on local history, and a biography of George Washington's step-grandson. When I planned to leave the world of paid employment, I asked Charlie for advice. He encouraged me to take the plunge — and was a model of productivity right up to the end.  

Today I'm mourning Charlie and thinking of the verses he always included in his holiday card, funny couplets like "have more fun in 2021." He left us wanting more in 2024. 

Rest in peace, Charlie. 

In with the New

The first day of a new year, this one with 366 days. A bonus day for a bonus year. The bonus day is because we have a Leap Year, but the bonus year? 

The idea is this: If I think of it as a bonus, I'll appreciate it more. I'm not ancient, but I'm old enough that this idea resonates. Even if I wasn't, the bonus concept makes sense. 

I'm just finishing The Book of Joy, a compilation of interviews between the Dalai Lama and the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu. One of the recommended "joy practices" is to make time each morning to set an intention for the day. 

Today's intention is to appreciate this new year as it's dawning, and to live this new year as if it is a gift. Because it is.