Out with the Old

Like many folks during these waning days of 2023, I've spent a few hours getting rid of stuff I've accumulated this year and many other years (emphasis on the latter). In particular, I zeroed in on an area of the basement where I've stored — dumped might be a better word — the girls' dolls and toys. The girls who are grown up and raising children of their own. 

Obviously, this is a task I've postponed for years. And no wonder. It's a bittersweet duty indeed. Here were favorite toys I'd long since forgotten — stuffed rabbits, a dancing mouse, an acrobatic lamb on a stick, a jack-in-the-box. Here too were boxes of school work, mostly middle school and high school, so not that precious early stuff, but still a potential minefield. 

I'll admit the tears flowed as I sorted through these treasures. They were good tears, necessary tears. I was mourning a time of my life that is no more. Like any other loss, it's better to acknowledge it, to kiss it and let it go. As I write these words, I can hear the garbage truck stopping in front of the house. Now all of those relics ... are truly gone. 

(An old photo of a messy garage that I trot out when I need evidence of Too Much Stuff.)

Sunrise, Sunset

It was unseasonably warm yesterday, although the last couple of winters have been mild enough that the term "unseasonably warm" may soon require some tinkering. I took two walks, one as the sun was rising and the other as it was setting. 

I only realized this morning the symmetry of these strolls. The first one I timed with sunrise. The classical station I listen to announces sunrise every day with a little fanfare and a specially chosen piece of music. Yesterday's was a recorder rendition of "The Arrival of the Queen of Sheba" from Handel's "Solomon." 

The later ramble was not planned for sunset. But the sun sets so early these days that it's easy to postpone a stroll until the day is almost done. Based on the number of people we saw on the trail, I'd have to say I wasn't the only one to whom that happens.

Sunrise, sunset. Much like yesterday's Arrivals and Departures. It's yin and yang at the closing of the year. 

Arrivals and Departures

A trip to the airport in predawn darkness, the only illumination (as we grew closer) the ominous glow of many tail lights. The departure lanes were so backed up that we scooted into Arrivals and found the way clear. All the passengers had to do was take the escalator one floor up to check their bags. 

I've been thinking since then about arrivals and departures, how closely they are bound. In our case, this morning, inseparably. But they are always linked: coming and going, giving and taking, opening and closing. 

It's not quite as simple as "what goes up must come down," but for every joyous embrace of welcome at the airport, there is the bittersweet hug at the end of the visit, dear ones flying back across the country. I'll be counting the days until they return and I can head to Arrivals again — this time, for real.

Boxing Day

In England and other parts of the Commonwealth, December 26th is Boxing Day. Here there was a little party in honor of our British son-in-law and our youngest daughter, who celebrate a wedding anniversary this time of year. 

But even without that excuse, I'm all for feting December 26th. And December 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th and 31st, too. In my book, it's Christmas all week long. 

It cuts against the grain in this country, I know, with many folks returning to work only hours after the last gifts are opened. But in other parts of the world, Boxing Day — or St. Stephen's Day — is the second day of Christmas, part of a longer celebration that gives people a chance to take a breath after the busyness of the season. 

And taking a breath is just what I'm doing today. That and very little else. 

Christmas Greetings

Once again the days have passed, the splendid ones and the trying ones. Once again we've come back to this point, which is for me, and for many, the great pause. Christmas Eve. Christmas Day. Soon to be followed by New Year's Day and the delicious week in between. Once again I'll re-run this blog post, one I wrote in 2011. Merry Christmas!

12/24/11

Our old house has seen better days. The siding is dented, the walkway is cracked, the yard is muddy and tracked with Copper's paw prints. Inside is one of the fullest and most aromatic trees we've ever chopped down. Cards line the mantel, the fridge is so full it takes ten minutes to find the cream cheese. Which is to say we are as ready as we will ever be. The family is gathering. I need to make one more trip to the grocery store.

This morning I thought about a scene from one of my favorite Christmas movies, one I hope we'll have time to watch in the next few days. In "It's a Wonderful Life," Jimmy Stewart has just learned he faces bank fraud and prison, and as he comes home beside himself with worry, he grabs the knob of the banister in his old house — and it comes off in his hand. He is exasperated at this; it seems to represent his failures and shortcomings.

By the end of the movie, after he's been visited by an angel, after his family and friends have rallied around him in an unprecedented way, after he's had a chance to see what the world would have been like without him — he grabs the banister knob again. And once again, it comes off in his hand. But this time, he kisses it. The house is still cold and drafty and in need of repair. But it has been sanctified by friendship and love and solidarity.

Christmas doesn't take away our problems. But it counters them with joy. It reminds us to appreciate the humble, familiar things that surround us every day, and to draw strength from the people we love. And surely there is a bit of the miraculous in that.


Photo: Flow TV

Anticipation

The presents are wrapped and tucked under the tree. The refrigerator is stocked, and the mantel is filling with cards. The Seattle branch of the family arrives today, and the Kentucky branch tomorrow. If I could ask for anything right now it would be for a super-duper slow-down-time machine — because I know the next few days will vanish in a blur.

Since I'm pretty sure such a device will not magically materialize, I'm doing the next best thing: savoring the moments, anticipating what's to come.  

I'm contemplating the tree, not the biggest we've ever had but not the smallest, either. And the gifts themselves, small tokens of the great love I feel for the people receiving them. How good we have a season devoted to giving. For me it underlines this basic fact: that joy is not ours to hold — but to spread around and give away. 

Post Solstice

The shortest day was mostly cloudy. I took two walks, my first in a while. It felt good to be striding through space, cold enough that I wore gloves in the beginning. 

We've made it past the nadir and are now on the ascendancy. There's a direct line from today to June's long, lingering twilights. A fact to keep in mind during the early sunsets of January and February. 

Yesterday afternoon, I heard a springlike twittering in the air. It was a flock of robins who breezed in to hunt for worms and berries. Another sign that spring is out there somewhere. 

Stand Up

We were more than two-thirds of the way through the program last night when the orchestra struck up the familiar prelude. It was the Hallelujah Chorus of Handel's Messiah; time to stand up.

The tradition of standing during this song began, so it's said, when King George II was so moved that he rose to his feet during the London premiere, and the rest of the audience followed suit. 

Last night's hall was almost filled and the conductor encouraged us to sing along, too, a challenge only a few of us were brave enough to accept. Still, it was impressive to see hundreds of people on their feet as the chorus belted out the familiar words: 

"King of Kings, forever and ever. And Lord of Lords, hallelujah, hallelujah. And he shall reign for ever and ever. ... Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!"

The Living Room

Of course, we have one — a living room, that is. It's never been like the living rooms of my youth, which were more like parlors. You sat in them with company but didn't lounge around in them. 

In this house, there is no true "family room," so the living room is where I spend time, especially now, with the tree by the window, the cards on the mantel, and the wrapping station by the fireplace. 

In these precious days, I sit on the couch and marvel at the "in-process'ness" of the room and the season. Some presents need wrapping, others need ribbons tied and curled. There's food shopping yet to be done, holiday goodies still to bake, but this year (finally!) there's time to savor the season itself, the living of it.  And what better place to do that, but in the living room.  

Darkness to Light

At 6:45 there is barely any light in the sky. Holiday displays mark the boundaries of street and yard. Our beacon, as they’re intended to be. As for other illumination, it’s still scarce. How easy it is this time of year to think that darkness is winning.

I look out my office window, can barely make out each tree trunk. But the longer I stare, the more individual limbs and branches begin to show themselves, a filigree of darkness against the lightening clouds. The sky is a blotter sopping up the light. Darkness still reigns on ground level; nothing distinct down there yet. No trampoline, garden bench or witch hazel tree. All of that is out of sight, a void. Instead, my eyes are drawn toward the sky, and toward a faint blush of pink gathering around the tree line.

My window faces south, so the big show is out of sight, to my left. I walk into the other room, peer out the window. Dawn barely underway. A smudge of red on the horizon. But walking back in here just 15 minutes later, what a change. Now I see the covered garden bench, the limbs of the witch hazel tree, the white husks of the shells bordering its garden, the azalea and its entourage. The border of leaves and grass.

By 7:12 it is unqualifiedly morning. What a difference 28 minutes can make.

Recipe Hunter

Like my address book, my recipe box is in need of some serious pruning. I pull out both this time of year: the first to address cards, the second to find my standard go-to Christmas cookie recipes. 

But this year I'm in search of something a little different: instructions for spritz cookies, for instance, for which I've drawn a complete blank, even when I delve into Mom's old recipe box. Ideas for savory snacks, also nada.

Which means I turn to that great recipe box of cyberspace. Online recipes, anyone?

For Copper

Seventeen years ago today we took into our home a dog of uncertain heritage and even more dubious temperament: a bundle of nerves, a combination of dog parts that never seemed to fit together. Long body, short legs. Perky ears, plume tail. 

A dog that fooled us from the beginning, behaving so well at the Loudoun County Humane Society shelter that you barely knew he was there. A week later he would bark at anything that moved.

He had the powerful shoulders of an Olympic swimmer, could bound over the couch in one leap: preferably into the arms of my mother, visiting for Christmas, sipping a glass of red wine and no fan of rambunctious animals.

In his first month with us, Copper would consume shoe leather, eye medicine, a pair of pink panties, and the contents of a colostomy bag. He sometimes ate dog food, too. He barked, he nipped, he escaped every chance he got. 

But none of that mattered. Because we loved him right from the start. Loved him fiercely. He was joy incarnate, you see. And now ... he's gone. 

Shattered!

They are such fine-boned things, the glass so thin and delicate. But I always place a few old-fashioned ornaments on the tree. Most of them are vintage, ones from my childhood. All of them reflect the lights, make the Christmas tree a kaleidoscope of shine and sparkle.

I felt this red one slipping from my fingers as I tried to attach it. Had it landed on the carpet it might have been saved, but it didn't. And though part of it survived, a considerable chunk of it became sharp shards and pieces so tiny I can only call them glass crumbles. 

What to do? Nothing but sweep it up, mourn its long life, and be glad that I was the one who broke it ... 

Binge Watch

Right now I can use the excuse of recuperation, but I do it anyway. Binge watch, that is. Immerse myself in a show, viewing a couple episodes (or more) at a time. Biking around London with a team of nurse midwives or suffering through the latest scandal of the Royal Family — while also enjoying the sumptuous interiors of Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle.

It's fun! It's immersive. But it's also addictive, the high fructose corn syrup of entertainment diets. After an evening of binge watching I feel as I do after Thanksgiving dinner: stuffed but not nourished.

There must be something in our psyches that cries out for the tidy narrative arc: the setup, the conflict, the resolution. And when that's artificially stimulated, when I'm left hanging to the point that I have to watch more (even though I know the next episode will leave me hanging again) at some point I need a palate cleanser: a nice, simple, self-contained film. 

(Photo: Wikipedia)

'Tis the Season

'Tis the season of group sings and holiday parties, of crowded cashiers in stores that are only crowded once a year. 'Tis also the season of rhinovirus and adenovirus and respiratory syncytial virus. Put these together and you have a noxious stew.

As one on the receiving end of this special kind of holiday giving, I can say ... 

I'm glad I was felled when I was. With any luck, I'll be fully recovered in time to mail the cards, wrap the gifts, bake the cookies, and enjoy the cheer. 

Until then ... aaaaachoooo! 

Badge of Courage

Long before Shout, my go-to stain removal substance, and the little Tide pen I now carry with me on trips, there were stain removal charts. Mine is tacked up in the laundry room and is still my best source for wild and wacky — but often effective — stain removal tips.

From it I learned that the remedy for ballpoint ink stains is glycerine. I once had an old bottle of the stuff that worked wonders, saved a yellow linen shirt that I paid way too much for and was almost ruined by an inky gash across the front.

I used that old bottle until I couldn't anymore, but I regret to say that the new stock I ordered — proudly described as vegetable glycerine — isn't nearly as effective. I scrubbed and scrubbed and managed to mute the stains slightly, but the ink stain isn't gone ... and probably will never be.

I tell myself it doesn't matter. Ink stains are a badge of courage, not a blot of shame.

(A lovely painting — by Edmund Blair Leighton — but an ink stain ready to happen?)

Surprise Snow

Sometimes it pays to forgo weather reports, especially when it means you can wake up to a surprise snowfall like we did this morning. Although from what I can make out, even some forecasts weren't expecting yesterday's rain to turn to snow in the wee hours of the morning. 

But there it was, glimpsed first at 4 a.m., when I woke up briefly, and now certified in the clear light of day.

It's the most snow we've had in two years, and I doubt it will last long, but for now, it's coating branches and grass and making the world outside look just a bit like a snow globe ... finally.

Split Rail

A frosty walk this morning, a split-rail fence beside me part of the way.  Surely this is fencing lite, only the barest barricade, I think, as I amble beside one of the more open models (two horizontals). 

Though now they now seem more decorative than anything else, split-rail fences have a long history in this country. They were used to mark property boundaries, protect crops and livestock, and, during the Civil War, troops burned them to keep warm. 

In my neighborhood, split-rail fences are the only kind allowed in front yards. In the back you can go wild with a picket or other plank styles, but the front must be open, natural — much like the snippet of yard I photographed this morning. 

It's a fence ... but barely. 

The Books Themselves

Last night was my book group's annual book picking, held at a local bookstore cafe. It was fun to meet in person and catch up on news. But as usual, the stars of the show, the books themselves, were in short supply. Since we discuss each book we suggest and pass it (or a description of it) around, this was a problem.

I'd spent an hour or so finalizing my suggestions earlier in the day, printing out a page each for Bittersweet and The Book of Charlie. This was a good move because the bookstore didn’t have the former, a 2022 bestseller just out in paperback, and had to search high and low for the latter, just published and chosen as a best book of 2023 by the Washington Post. 

I’d also printed out the book list of a fellow member who emailed us her regrets at the last minute. The 2022 bestseller Solito was another challenge for the sales clerk to locate, but she finally found one copy.

On one hand, I'm grateful to the bookstore for letting us sit in their cafe and chat for 90 minutes. On the other, I wish the ratio of books to toys and accessories was slanted more heavily in favor of the books themselves.

(No lack of books in this bookstore.)

New Town Square

I'm not a numbers person, but these numbers impress me: In 1986 there were only a few hundred miles of rails-to-trails in this country. Now there are more than 25,000. 

"We want trails that are connected in ways that are similar to roads or streets or that connect individual trails to places people want to go, be it shopping, schools or other activities, " said Ryan Chao, the president of the Rails-to-Trails Conservancy, in a recent Washington Post article. 

Chao sees these trails as the new town square. And why not? Trails connect people, too. 

Philadelphia has 400 miles of them and plans to double that. You can travel the Great Allegheny Passage from Pittsburgh to Cumberland, Maryland, then pick up the C&O Canal Trail to cruise into D.C. 

You can take the Katy Trail across Missouri. You can cross much of Ohio on trails and big chunks of Illinois and Iowa, too. One of these days, you'll be able to take the Great American Rail Trail from here to Washington State. No rush to get in shape for that trek just yet ... but one of these days!

(The Capital Crescent Trail in Maryland, part of the future Great American Rail Trail.)

Creeping Jenny

It's Advent, the season of waiting. But waiting for what? The birth of Christ, the gathering of the clan, the arrival of yet another box from Amazon? Or for a contentment I long for but can't explain.

Advent is also the season of preparation, not just wrapping gifts and baking cookies but preparing ourselves spiritually. For me, the best way to prepare is to stop waiting and bask in the moment.

Today's moment is noticing the jaunty upward growth of the Creeping Jenny plant. I've been neglecting it, putting it on top of the bookshelf in my office so it would trail down from on high in romantic tendrils, like wisps of hair escaping from a Gibson Girl bun. 

But it gets no sun there, so I moved it yesterday to a free corner of my desk. It already looks healthier, greener, more in sync with its surroundings. I want to be like that plant: well placed and pointing toward the sun.

Dependable Distractions

I spot them from my second-floor aerie, and I spot them more easily now that trees are bare. They are perched high on the poplar or closer to earth (and to my window) on the black gum tree, where there is also a squirrel's nest.

They seem little more than dots on horizontal branches, hard to detect until they fluff their wings or scratch their beaks and the movement gives them away. Sometimes they rustle in the bamboo and send a shower of leaves to the ground. 

Always when new seed fills the feeder they swoop down to claim it. I see one of them now, a cardinal resting in the azalea between feedings. 

Birds are my companions in thought, my most dependable distractions. 

(One of my favorite bird photos, taken on the way home from work long ago.)

Foggy Morning

I woke up to a lovely fog: a world of softened edges and limited horizons. 

Gone is the street behind me, and the house with the long drive beyond. Front and center are the particulars of my yard: the leaf piles at the back, the twisted trunk of the volunteer cherry, the covered garden bench.

Fog makes us all myopic. It takes away the forest and gives us the trees. It provides an excuse for seeing only what is close at hand. 

Sometimes I need that.

Beauty and Bane

December dawns gray and cold. A new month. I began the last one in an old house by the sea. I begin this one in the two-story suburban home I've lived in for decades. A garbage truck trundles by as I write. It's the third garbage truck I've heard this morning.

Ah, the suburbs! The beauty and the bane of them. I love the trees and solitude. I deplore the sameness and isolation.

But that's an old story. The new story is this: Here I am.