Level of Effort

How many hours will it take to interview four people? To track them down first, of course, then transcribe and bring order to the notes that follow? 

How many hours will it take to turn those notes into an article with a beginning, middle and end; to tell a story which, in addition to the interviews, requires research, thought and creativity?

I was never very good at producing a statement of work or SOW, nor was I particularly adept at its project-management cousin, the LOE or estimate of the level of effort required to complete that work. Oh, I could estimate how long it took me to prepare for and complete an interview, or to organize and write a story. I could and I did. 

But so much of writing is the thinking that precedes and surrounds it. How do you account for the wasted effort, the dead-ends and sidetracks? How do you quantify a process that can never truly be quantified? 

How do you explain that the most effortful writing can be leaden and pedestrian — and the least effortful can soar above it all?

The Iron Curtain

I grew up with the Iron Curtain, the dividing line between the Soviet Union and the West. A strange image, "iron curtain." Not iron wall, though the Berlin Wall was part of it. Not iron fence, though barbed wire and guard towers were part of it, too. But iron — hard and unbendable — combined with curtain — soft and pliable.

It was Winston Churchill's phrase, part of a March, 1946, address where he said, "From Stettin in the Baltic to Trieste in the Adriatic, an Iron Curtain has descended upon the land." I didn't know he used these exact words until I looked them up just now.

But I did know that something was terribly wrong with the world, that adults were afraid of the division, that it posed harm. The Iron Curtain was not just a dividing line; it was a feeling. It was rigid and gray and hopeless, life drained of color. The Cold War. Nuclear stand-offs.

My children were born as the Berlin Wall was falling. They grew up with a far different Europe than I did. To them, Russian's invasion of Ukraine must seem preposterous. To me, it seems all too familiar.

(Prague, capital of the Czech Republic, a city I never dreamed I'd see. In the old days, it was on the wrong side of the Iron Curtain.) 

Without the Directions

On a doggie walk this morning I was stopped short in my tracks. Tree limbs were shiny, glazed with ice. It was unexpected and almost magical.

It was the best of both worlds, too, because the pavement wasn't affected. There was friction on the driveway, fairyland up above.

I hadn't known this was coming, hadn't read weather reports that freezing rain was in the forecast.

It struck me then, and I second it now, that life is more exciting when we forget to read the directions.  

Absorbing

Three years ago on this day I was touring one of the world's great heritage sites, Angkor Wat in Cambodia. My friend and I, on assignment for Winrock, woke early on our day off, made our way through the darkness to the temple complex, then waited for daylight. We were not alone. 

What we found inside almost defies description: the impossibly steep steps...

the draped statuary...

the play of light on ancient carvings. 

Later that day we visited Ta Prohm and marveled at its ruined splendor. With every new twist and turn, with each new vista, I would think, this, this is the most lovely of all. And then I would walk a few feet and find another view even lovelier. 

For five years, I had a job that paid me not just in money but in experiences. I'm still trying to absorb them all.

Empty Shelves

The shelves that were emptied for the great floor rebuild are finally back in place and ready to be filled.  We hauled them in from the garage, where they were lashed together for stability, and installed them in their rightful position.  

Now that they are dusted and polished, I'm wondering ... should I return the books that have always been there, the battered paperback classics in the upper reaches, reference books and anthologies in the middle, rows of magazines on the lower shelf?

I can certainly pull together a better-looking group of printed matter, if this is all about aesthetics — but of course it is not. It's about order and reverence and to a certain embarrassing extent, laziness. I'm used to books being where they are: do I really want to rearrange them? 

On the other hand, the empty shelves stand open for change and rearrangement. Can I really let them down?

2/22/22

It's enough to make me wish I was writing a bunch of checks today, or signing a sheaf of documents — any excuse to write the date 2/22/22 as many times as possible.

A bounty of weddings and engagements are planned, Caesarean sections, too, scads more than would be scheduled for an otherwise ordinary late-winter weekday.

But it's not an ordinary late-winter weekday. It's 2/22/22 — and a Tuesday, to boot. It's a day when numbers align, boding good luck for some, mild terror for others. It's a day of symmetry and palindromic satisfaction. It's 2/22/22. I haven't been this excited about numbers since 10/10/10.

(In honor of 2/22/22, a photo of 2 toddlers, courtesy Claire Capehart.)

What Might Be

I begin the day with moonlight, a bright waning gibbous that cracks a sweet gum branch in two as I glance at moon and tree through this window I call my own.

How companionable it seems, this moon. Not the cool, pale orb of rounded perfection, but a heavenly body that looks at bit battered around the edges. Knocked down, but still there. 

Meanwhile, daylight is gaining on it. Soon it will fade to a translucent disc. The sun will rise, strengthen, send shards of light through the prism, make rainbows on my wall.

But I'm starting early, in the cold darkness, and this is just a glimpse of what might be.  

Loud and Low

When the winds howl, the planes fly loud and low over the house. I snapped this photo yesterday while on a breezy walk. 

Throughout the length and breadth of the neighborhood I was the only soul out for a stroll.

Call it cabin fever or just plain stubbornness. Whatever it was, it put me in place to snap this shot. 

Score One for Spring

When I looked out my office window yesterday morning, the world was an unremitting winter gray, with just a touch of green from the grass and hollies.

Today, I see three sprays of yellow witch hazel, which burst into partial bloom with the afternoon's balmy warmth.

We'll see how those spare blossoms fare now, with temperatures falling into the 40s and a wild northwest wind battering the bamboo and waving the sweet gum branches.

I remind myself that the witch hazel is hardy and used to such shenanigans. It's bloomed in far worse. Plus ... those small yellow flowers are out among us now — and there's nothing that winter can do about that.

(The witch hazel in two feet of snow in 2010.) 

Framing

In class we talk about the "death" of the author which makes room for the "birth" of the reader, of interpretive communities that shape our understanding of literary works, and of the "indeterminacy" or gaps in meaning that allow for an aesthetic response. 

That last one seems like the loft and lightness of a shook comforter, the air pockets that provide fullness to linens and literature. 

It's fun to think about. Just as it's fun to think about framing, the narration of a tale that makes it what it is. Here I am, walking down a trail, pausing to snap a shot, my shadow in the photo. Life mirroring art ... or something like that. 

The Coffee Table

When my children were young I remember how pleasant it was at the end of the day to pick up toys and tidy up the house. I knew it wouldn't last more than an hour or so after they woke up the next day, but for a few blissful hours I could float around in a state of order. 

Now that there are toddlers in my life again, I'm remembering what it felt like to live, even thrive, in the midst of complete pandemonium. There's a letting go that is probably healthy, though it may not feel that way at the time. 

Take the coffee table. I'm sitting beside it right now, and though most of the weekend's disorder has been put to rights, I haven't yet re-stacked the magazines. I can still see Bernadette's sweet face as she palmed the slick covers and slid them off one by one. What power! What glee! 

There's a reason why the magazines are still jumbled. The better to imagine those sweet kiddos, their arms around my neck, their heads on my shoulder. 

The Moon

The moon was with me this morning as I drove to the airport, so early and so long ago now that it seems like another week. 

And the moon was with me later, a pale disc as I zoomed down I-66 on my way to school.

The moon is with me still, in this photo (not a very good one, I'm sorry to say), growing ever brighter as I walked through a darkening campus on my way to class.

The moon will be full tomorrow ... but it's hard to see how it could be any fuller.

The Big Picture

As the sky slowly lightens on this Valentine's Day, I think of all the ones who are dear to me.

The little ones and the big ones, the old ones and the young ones (including a great niece born on Saturday!), the human ones and the furred and feathered ones, the ones who are no longer with us, too.

Happy is the day set aside for love and chocolate, so today I resolve to keep the big picture in mind. 

And that is, and always will be, love.

Counterclockwise

Today I went left rather than straight out of my neighborhood and took a familiar walk in the opposite direction. 

There were the fronts of houses I usually see only the backs of; there was the wooded trail glimpsed from afar, through a backyard. 

There were ponds glinting in the morning sun, which was in my face rather than over my shoulder. 

There was this warm winter morning, made new by a change in rotation, clockwise, rather than counter.

Going Nowhere

A walker in winter may be trapped indoors by rain, ice, snow or cold. For several years now, though, I've had a secret weapon, a way to walk inside that doesn't involve pacing. That would be the elliptical in the basement. 

The machine is designed to work out not just the legs and hips but also the arms and shoulders. The only part of the body it leaves untouched is the brain, that restless organ. 

Outdoor walks provide a moving display of images on which to dwell: familiar houses comfort, treed paths shelter, new vistas enliven.

But the elliptical walker has, if she wishes, a TV with streaming shows and old movies and whatever else she can find for distraction. She has a library of music and books to plug into on her phone. She has, in short, the world at her fingertips. And so she walks, and walks, and walks ... going nowhere but quite content. 

Thank you, Mr. Epstein

I read recently of the passing of Jason Epstein, an editor and publisher who launched the paperback revolution. When he was 23, earning $45 a week and just scraping by in the publishing trade (I can relate!), he proposed to the higher-ups at Doubleday that they publish the classics in soft rather than hardcover. 

His bosses listened, and Doubleday came out with Anchor books, which provided the works of  Lawrence, Stendhal and other greats for as little as 65 cents a title. Epstein edited Roth, Mailer and Auden, and helped found the New York Review of Books, but it's the paperback idea he's known for most.

Before the early 1950s, paperbacks were reserved for "lowbrow, escapist fiction," the obit said, so this was a novel idea. And it worked! The new line sold briskly, and what became known as trade paperbacks quickly became a profitable arm of the publishing business, much beloved of students and others who wanted a library of classics but couldn't afford the hardback versions.

So now when I'm moving yet another box of books or cramming one more paperback onto an already-crowded shelf, I'll say, with only the slightest hint of irony, "Thank you, Mr. Epstein."

Oscar Season

The Academy has spoken and we now have 10 Best Picture-nominated films to rent, stream or (gasp!) see in a theater. 

I think I'm ready for that last one. It's been more than two years since I've entered a darkened auditorium, slunk down into my seat and let the world slip away.

By now there will be a new protocol: tickets purchased in advance, assigned seats; that was already happening but has become more regimented, I imagine. Masks will be required. Perhaps the concession stands will be closed. No popcorn? That would be a hard one to swallow, but not a deal-breaker.

It's Oscar season. Omicron is waning. Whatever the lay of this new land, I'm willing to travel it. 

The Morning After

It's difficult to get the blog up and going the day after a big birthday celebration. Heading into its teenage years it's needing a lot of sleep — and getting rather surly about picking up after itself, too. 

So I've spent the morning cleaning up confetti and collecting empty champagne bottles.

These are crucial years ahead, years requiring firmness and guidance. I don't want the blog skidding off the rails. 

I've done this three times before, I tell myself. I can do it again. 😊

 (Photo: Pippx, CC BY 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons. And just for the record, I think this is the first time I've used an emoji in the blog. I won't make a habit of it.)

An Even Dozen

This morning I made my way down the hall in the dark, thinking I would read a while and fall back to sleep. I quickly discovered it was later than I thought, the sky already lightening. I'd slept through the night — and there's always joy and excitement in that!

It's with similar joy and excitement that I write today to celebrate 12 years of blogging: a dozen years of collecting my thoughts and sending them out into into the world, a dozen years and 3,643 posts. 

As I figure out this new writing life, A Walker in the Suburbs remains a constant. It's a laboratory, a playground, an experiment. It's where I celebrate books, travel and the strange little thoughts I have.

And on this clear, bright February 7th, my birthday wish for the blog is ... more of the same.

Farewell to the Office

Long ago, a family of three moved into a house that was far too large for them. In fact, even to say it was a family of three was pushing it. This was a mom, a dad and a six-month-old baby. The house, while not palatial, seemed so to us at the time. We rattled around in the four bedrooms and two-and-a-half baths. We parked a playpen in the living room, and put our dining room furniture in the, uh, dining room.

Except the dining room was barely big enough for a party of six, which we learned our first Thanksgiving when we had to turn the table diagonally to fit everyone in.

Meanwhile, the family of three became a family of four and then five. The dining room filled with toys, the hutch moved into the living room, and at some point it became official: the dining room was now ... the playroom.

It remained that way for a decade or so, when I vacated the upstairs office I'd happily occupied to give each daughter a room of her own and moved down to this room, which absorbed two tall bookshelves and a "desk" (a hollow door laid across two filing cabinets). The office it has been these many years, also an ersatz den with a comfy couch — and a doggie haven.

Today, we move all the furniture and rip out the carpet. Tomorrow, a team of experts (my sister and brother) will help lay new flooring. The desk will be gone, and a new dining table moved in. The office is dead ... long live the dining room!

Mall By Myself

Yesterday, I was a walker in the city, not the suburbs. I began at 18th and L, deep in the business district. But that's not where I stayed.

The Mall was my destination, heading toward the Capitol and my former walking route, site of numerous lunchtime strolls.

The monuments were there, glinting in a warm winter sun. The White House, the Washington Monument, the Smithsonian's Arts and Industries building.

What was missing, what always seems to be missing these days, was the people. Empty thoroughfares make good straightaways, but what I would give if this scene were clogged with tourists and pickup soccer games and pale office workers out for a noontime jog.

Welcome Fog

I woke up to a meteorological marvel, at least in these parts, something we seldom see around here. Morning fog is a soft way to begin the day; it blurs the edges of the world. It may also be giving the groundhog the conditions it needs to predict an early spring, but I won't count on that.

For now, I'm content to look out my study window at birds perching on the chicken wire, awaiting their turn at the feeder. At the squirrels, hatching their next plan to commandeer the suet block. At the red fox, skulking behind the covered garden bench at the far end of the yard.

Every time I glimpse that bench, which is often, I think for a moment that I'm seeing the tiny playhouse we had when the children were small. It has the same outline, the same lightness against the dark green backdrop of the fencerow. 

But that place was torn down long ago, my girls are all grown up with families of their own. And I'm welcoming the fog, which promises a soft beginning to this new day.

Mom in Manhattan

It is February 1, 2022, what would have been Mom's 96th birthday. On this day, as on several previous February 1sts, I cede this space to the person who inspired me first, and inspires me still. In this post, written in 1994, Mom describes a snowy Manhattan and muses on what the city meant to her.

I have been snowbound in New York now for several days. I look out the window on 27th Street and watch the snow pile up. Hardy New Yorkers trudge through the ever-deepening snow. 

At home in Lexington when it snows, we rarely see a car drive down Colonial Drive and almost never see anyone venture out on foot. Here it is so different. The attitude is "nothing will stop us, even 18 inches of snow." That must be a part of the chemistry that makes New York City what it is. 

I wish I had lived my life in New York City. It excites me as no other place has. There's never been a time when I was ready to leave. And each time I have left, there's been a little bit of myself that's stayed behind.

(Photo: Vincent Paul, CC BY-SA 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons)