In Formation

In honor of Memorial Day, the movie channel has been running World War II-era films. I've caught parts of several — "The Great Escape," "Destination Tokyo" — plus a War Department short about the U.S. Army Air Corp.

In the film, narrated by then-actor Ronald Reagan, a young cowboy from the boonies becomes a war hero. We watch him go through basic training, meet the people who knew him back when, follow his improbable journey from ranch life to flying B-17s over Japan. 

What struck me about the flying scenes is the tightness of the formations. The crew members (including my Dad) were not only united within their Flying Fortresses, but were nestled together outside of them, too. They did not fly into battle alone. 

As I embark on another trip around the sun, I'm grateful for the ones who travel with me. 

May in Layers

I'm hoping this is the last day in May I wear three layers of clothing. I'm typing these words in my winter running tights, merino wool base layer, another wool sweater over that and a sweatshirt on top for good measure. 

I have fuzzy warm socks on my feet. And I think — yes, I'm sure, I can hear it humming — that the heat has just come on. And that means the temperature in the house has dipped down below 65. 

Yes, the planet is warming. And in a few days we may be sweltering. But that doesn't stop me from wishing I was in shorts and t-shirt right now. 

Japanese Garden

As May gallops to a close, I'm immersing myself once again in the calm oasis of Portland's Japanese garden. Yes, it's 2,800 miles away now, but I have it right up here in my noggin, sloshing around with today's to-do list and other trivia.

It wasn't difficult to take decent photos at the garden. Everywhere I pointed my phone camera was a beautifully framed shot. From artfully raked gravel plots to gently cascading waterfalls. 

That's because, in a Japanese garden, beauty is cultivated most of all. 

Feeling Sorry for Cicadas

I arrived home to the sound of Brood X, the 17-year cicadas that have been biding their time underground since 2004 and are now living the high life in Virginia and other states. 

They are funny critters, singing and mating and getting stuck on windshield wipers, where one got a free ride for a few minutes yesterday as I drove home from the Reston trails. 

The hum they make sounds like a commotion in the next county, like something big is going on somewhere else, which indeed it is. 

But as I dodged their exoskeleton carcasses yesterday on my walk, my amazement at their presence was tempered with pity for their plight. What a life .... 17 years of nothing followed by three weeks of way too much. Theirs is not a path of moderation. 

On the other hand, who am I to judge a bug? My life may seem just as strange to them.

Big Again

I have a habit of not wanting to leave the places I'm visiting, and yesterday I almost didn't. Confusion about departure times meant we missed our original return flight. Luckily, we were re-routed to another airport and finally made it home — though six hours later than planned. 

The first hours and days back after a trip are always a strange time. Life is mostly as it was but with subtle differences. The old house touches my heart with its creaky floors and familiarity. I don't have to wonder when I wake up, where am I now? I can tell by the placement of lamp and beside table, by the feel of the covers under my chin. 

But the trip has altered the house and the gaze with which I see it. The roses in Portland are part of me now, the walk around Lake Union in Seattle, too. The Japanese Garden and the Japanese American Museum, Cherry Street and Alberta Street — they're all in there. The crusty bread and the little dogs. 

It has been almost a year with no travel. The world of house and yard were closing in on me. But now ... the world is big again. 

Prevailing Westerlies

Yesterday was a train trip up from Portland to Seattle. Today, we fly east with the prevailing westerlies. Which means that, at least theoretically, it will take an hour less to return than it did to arrive. 

I'm heading back to Virginia with 10 days of dirty laundry, five new books, a passel of memories and plenty of inspiration for the days ahead. 

The best trips never stop giving. 

Sum of the Parts

Whenever I travel I face the same dilemma, and it's a delightful one. There's the exploratory part of the process — finding new trails to walk, new museums to explore, new food to eat. And then there's the hanging out aspect of it all.  The dilemma is how to create a perfect blend of the two.

This trip has done it effortlessly due to the wonderful family we have in Seattle and Portland. We've had lovely at-home dinners, long mornings chatting over mugs of tea, and one big raucous birthday party. And that doesn't include the boat ride and trips to favorite local watering holes. 

The sum of these parts is even greater than its whole — respite for body, mind and soul. And then ... there are the roses!

A Walker on the River

After days pounding asphalt and concrete, we had the luxury of a few hours on the water, where legs are for the most part irrelevant. We left the floating home mid-afternoon for a slow cruise on the Multnomah Channel, a tributary of the Willamette.  

How calm it all was, how evenly the ripples flowed from our wake. 

We cruised under the Sauvie Island Bridge, passed sailboats and motorboats and a contraption that looked like an elliptical on water. There was an osprey nest off our starboard side and an abandoned restaurant farther down. Mostly there was sun and stillness and companionship. When we landed, the light was golden.

Eye Candy

Walking through an Eastside Portland neighborhood yesterday, I saw roses and rhododendron, lavender and wisteria, poppies and fuchsia. I saw tall fir trees tipped with new green growth. 

I didn't actually dig into the soil, but from the profusion of bloom, it appears that most anything will grow here except maybe cactus. I'm not much of a gardener, but with inspiration like this I think I could become more of one. What struck me as I strolled was the pleasure these flowers bring to the eye. Looking at them felt elemental, as if I was taking sustenance from the stems, leaves and blossoms. 

Waterfront Walk

The Seattle waterfront is a boisterous place. You can almost imagine early settlers here, lumberjacks and Gold Rush guys — such is the energy of the ferries and buskers and tourists and water taxis. 

There was a pier you could walk on to be more at one with the water and the waves. The guy sitting at the end of it yelled down to me. "How big do you think that fishing boat is? I think about 40, 50 feet," he said. I said yes, having absolutely no reason to disagree with him. 

I wanted to move beyond all of this, though, to a place where water met land. So I kept walking north, toward Alaska (as the sign said), to the Olympic Sculpture Garden and a little cove where driftwood and drifters gathered. I could have walked all day, but I had a train to catch. 

Path Not Taken

No long hikes yesterday, but several walks around the neighborhood. I explored the Cathedral of St. James, a local bookstore, the leafy streets around this hotel and a college campus with green paths and rhododendrons tall as trees. 

It's hard to say which kind of day I like better, the long-hike ones or the short-foray ones. The first is the sweeping overview, the second a drilling down, an immersion in the particular, like finding a good cafe for take-out hot tea that is not Starbucks.

The kind of day I had yesterday makes me think about what it would be like to live here, to be part of the rhythms and moods of this place. It's something I do whenever I travel, a creative exercise, pondering the path not taken.

Lake Union Walk

Lake Union is a freshwater lake contained entirely within the city limits of Seattle. It's a port, a neighborhood and a playground — and we walked all the way around it yesterday.

We trekked from Westlake to Eastlake, from the Center for Wooden Boats to Gas Works Park. We crossed the Fremont Bridge and the University Bridge. We sometimes wandered off course, but always found our way back again.

The trail was a visual feast, with skyline city views, en plein air artists capturing the gas works in watercolor, boats stacked on boats, floating homes tucked away in private coves, roses blooming in pocket-handkerchief-sized gardens, even a goose and goslings. 

Yes, the feet are a little sore this morning, but what a way to see the city!

The Views

A long walk, a steep climb, and then, at the top ...  a reward — the city spread out below: Lake Union to the left, downtown straight ahead and the Space Needle to the right. 

Lovely views have benefits beyond their beauty. They orient us to a place, show us how the pieces fit together. They bind the parts into the whole.  

Later, on the downhill return trip, when the way forward seemed crooked and confusing, I thought about the order revealed at the summit. That — and the map! — got us home.

Bluest Skies

My house does the funniest thing when it knows it's about to be left behind for a few days. It takes on a rosy glow that makes it hard for me to leave. It's done this for years now, long enough that I'm wise to its wiles. The only way around this is to put myself on auto-pilot, to clean, gather and pack, so that when the taxi arrives, I can walk out the door knowing the house and dog are taken care and we can escape.

This time, it's to Seattle, just minutes away from Celia and Matt's place. The city rolled out the red carpet over the weekend, giving us "the bluest skies you'll ever see" — which, unlike in this spoof of the old song, really were cloudless and azure.

Today it's a return to the more typical gray firmament— but the city beckons as it always does, with its lush foliage, bustling market and funky vibe that is such a welcome contrast to the button-down culture of the "other Washington," the one I left just two days ago.

A Trip West

It's a big country, a fact I learned from the back seat of a station wagon when I was a kid. To land somewhere exciting, you packed your things, climbed into the car and watched the miles tick away. Only 45 more till Joplin, 62 more till Tucumcari and, after what seemed like an eternity but was only four days, we reached San Bernardino, California. 

 The fact that we'd driven there didn't make it any less exotic. In fact, I always marveled that by simply sticking with it — by putting in the miles, so to speak — we could make our way to a completely new place with orange groves and movie stars and the big blue Pacific lapping at the land. 

How different it will be tomorrow, when we wake up, taxi to Dulles and fly to the other side of the country — not just the horizontal other but the diagonal other, the Pacific Northwest — in all of five hours.

It will be none the less exotic for us having arrived there on a big silver bird. There will be dark firs and steep hills and that same big blue Pacific. But the amazement I feel being on the other side of the country will harken back to those early trips, to those interminable but (come to find out) essential drives through dessert and plain. They taught me a lesson I'll never forget.

Look Out, Doris Lessing

Week before last, when I left the still pool of full-time employment for the more turbulent waters of freelance writing, I was given a golden pen and notebook. (Thank you, Drew!) 

The golden pen I pressed into service immediately, finding in its slim contour and smooth passage on the page a near-perfect writing implement. I've already used it to scribble in my journal on Day One, and it's now sitting on my desk in a place of honor, the little crystal pineapple on its top harkening back to a many-faceted ornament a friend gave me when I set off to journalism school many years ago.

But the golden notebook is daunting. Should I reserve it for days when I feel the muse is calling with greater insistence? Should it be only for Very Important Writing or become one in a series of notebooks that are otherwise black and pedestrian?

Could I, like Doris Lessing, use it to tie together the disparate threads of my life? Unlikely. I haven't even read Lessing's The Golden Notebook. 

For now, the golden notebook will remain open to possibility, which is, I'm finding, a very nice way to be.

(Yesterday I discovered that the golden pen makes rainbows on the page when held outside at the proper angle.)

Luck of the Irish

Most people assume my Irish roots come from Dad's side of the family. Something about the last name of Cassidy tips them off, I guess! But Dad's family has been in Kentucky for generations, perhaps since the Revolutionary War, and he always seemed surprised when someone thought he hailed from the auld sod. 

Mom was the Irish one. She was proud of her lineage and traced her Concannon, Scott, Long and Hughes roots back to Counties Clare and Galway. She made us wear little green shamrocks made of green pipe-cleaners every March 17, back when it wasn't cool to be green.

But it's Dad I want to write about this morning. He would be 98 today, so I've been thinking about him and his way of looking at the world. 

Dad was an optimist and an extrovert who took joy in ordinary pleasures: his first cup of coffee in the morning ("ah, Brazilian novocaine," he would say), a bowl of popcorn after dinner, his wife and children and grandchildren, whom he adored. 

He never tired of telling us how lucky he was to be our father, a compliment I threw right back at him as I grew older and (sort of) wiser. But he was lucky in the way that many of his generation were: tried and tested by early hardship and provided with free college, a low-cost mortgage and a trip to Europe aboard the Queen Elizabeth courtesy of Uncle Sam (though he had to fly 35 missions in a B-17 bomber to pay for it).

Most of all, though, he made his own luck. When the tough times came, which they did, Dad just plowed through them. Gratitude came easily to him. Luck, too. Whether it was from being "Irish" or just from being Dad, I'll never know.

Margaret's Garden

Years ago, there was an iris and day lily farm a few miles from here. Gardeners would flock to the farm this time of year to enjoy the blossoms and perhaps buy a few bulbs, which would be delivered weeks later in a brown paper bag. 

Margaret Thomas was the gardener. She was a relic of the old days, of small farms and neighborliness. She lived in a green house with a picturesque shed out back, half falling down. Artists would set up their easels in her garden and paint the iris with the ruined shed in the background. 

Our Siberian iris come from Margaret, and though they share the garden with their showier cousins, they are the ones that catch my eye every spring, their delicate beauty I seek when winter's done. 

As for Margaret's garden, it's now a subdivision: Iris Hills. 

The Spa Treatment

I'm trying not to make too much of the fact that although there are three mothers now in my immediate family, the only creature who had a spa treatment on Mother's Day was Copper the dog, who not only is not a mother but was most likely never a father either.

Granted, it was not exactly a long languorous soak in the tub followed by a mani-pedi and massage. It was a trying hour in a van in our driveway during which he almost hyperventilated. 

The groomer finally gave up without trimming his ears and neck, but she got much further than last year's groomer, who cut short Copper's appointment, told us never to come back, and left our nervous canine with a funny patchwork trim he's been growing out all year. 

"Most of the dogs I see have already been banned from PetsMart," this year's groomer said. 

How did she know? 

Happy Mother's Day!

Today I share Mother's Day with my daughters. I always do, of course, but today I do so in a special way, as two of them celebrate their own first Mother's Days. 

It hardly seems possible. Though all three have blossomed into strong, kind, beautiful young women, in my mind they're still long-legged girls running through the kitchen. 

What can I tell them as they embark on this journey of parenthood? Right now, I can only think of only one thing. Enjoy it all ... because it goes so very fast. 

Weed Whisperer

It's the golden season for weeding, a precious period before the arrival of stilt grass and the more noxious undergrowth, when I can (and do) plop myself down and gently remove the crabgrass, wild strawberries and dandelions from the periwinkle and forget-me-nots.   

Weeding at close range can be a meditative occupation. It feels less like banishing what I don't want and more like welcoming what I do. It is garden shaping rather than green demolition. And it's a chance to be part of the landscape, one with the clematis and creeping jenny and bleeding heart.

Before long the tenacious troublemakers will move in, the invasive grasses that seem bent on making the world their own and require a full-scale assault to stop them. But until they do, just call me the weed whisperer.

Missing the Point

In the work-for-hire phase of my life (which ended all of four days ago), I frequently used what I've come to think of as the make-nice punctuation mark.

"Good morning!" I would say cheerily to IT before launching into my request for help with a tech crisis. "No problem!" I would exclaim to the last-minute request for editing services that, truth be told, was indeed a problem. And of course, the ubiquitous "Thanks!" when I used the exclamation point to soften my own last-minute requests for help. 

Now I must retrain myself in the proper use of this punctuation mark, which is sparing. I must try harder to communicate the import of the thought in the words themselves rather than using a vertical line with a dot below it to do the work for me. 

"Do not attempt to emphasize simple statements by using a mark of exclamation," say Strunk and White in The Elements of Style. And who am I to argue with them?

Which is not to say that the exclamation point will disappear entirely from my life. It will continue to clutter up emails and personal correspondence, I'm sure. Will I be missing the point? You bet I will!

(Graphic courtesy Wikipedia)

Shared Purpose

It’s a rainy day, the kind of day when I used to like being at the office, once I was there. A coziness descended upon us, an enforced calm, or at least I felt it. At no time was it clearer to me that we were all in this together than in foul weather.

It was then that I thought of us as many parts of one body: the program officers and scientists and accountants and writers and procurement folks and so many others, all bringing their talents to the cause.

I’m remembering that feeling today, one of shared purpose. It’s a feeling I don’t want to give up, even as I embrace the freedom of my new state.

Stairs and Other Frontiers

My first day of retirement was not typical, if that word can be applied to a condition that has only just begun. Claire was over by 8 with Isaiah, who was smiling his 100-watt smile and soon would be crawling around the house chortling (I seldom use that word but that is what he was doing), positively squealing with glee, especially when he spied the carpeted stairs. 

He must be capable of anticipation given his excitement on simply seeing the stairs. He must be able to hold in his infant mind all the possibilities stairs can provide, the pulling up and the climbing. Of course, he did not see the tumbling down and the falling, which  I, with my adult brain, was only too ready to imagine.

When I watch Isaiah explore the world I see with fresh eyes how stunning it is, with its corners and shadows and tiny parakeet feathers that he can almost but not quite pick up because, as Claire says, the pincer grasp doesn’t become fully operational until nine months of age and Isaiah is eight and a half.

In Isaiah I also see the power of movement for its own sake. The toys that held his attention last week pale in comparison now. It is as if he is reenacting the push of human exploration, the grand urge to trudge on to the next mesa and beyond the far river bend. Watching Isaiah I can better appreciate how the American West was settled, why even now deep sea divers are exploring the last great earthly frontier.

Shimmering

Over the weekend, there were walks without clock-watching, walks through every cul-de-sac in Folkstone, starting off slowly and gathering speed only when the body felt ready. 

Walks with frequent pauses, not for breath but for beauty. 

The azaleas were shimmering ... and I couldn't resist. 

Weightless

I knew that the last day of full-time employment would be a humdinger because it was the one that required technical tasks — and in that I was not mistaken. But as is so often true in life, it unfolded in a way I didn't expect.

It wasn't the "wiping" of the computer, the backup and removal of files, that had me flummoxed. I had been going about that fairly steadily for days. What held me hostage almost to the end was ... the cloud: disentangling my work machine from iMessage and iPhoto and iTunes and all the other i's that seek to unify our lives and terrorize us in the process. Because don't you know that if you remove photos when you are signed into iCloud you will delete them from "all your devices." And when you have more than 17,000 images (yes, dear reader, I am embarrassed to admit that is how many I have), which include the precious first photographs of your sweet grandchildren, even the thought of removal is enough to paralyze one for hours. 

Only I didn't have hours — I had minutes, which were quickly ticking away. Luckily, an Apple Support person talked me down from the ledge, and after 30 minutes on the phone with her, and an hour of two of agony before and after, I was ready for the drive to Crystal City. 

There was a moment yesterday after I had solved these problems, after I had dropped off my computer, monitor and other work gear in a new and near empty office, when I had started driving home along the river, a drive I hadn't taken in almost a year, when I felt positively weightless. And that's what I'll remember.