Stretching

In the last few weeks, I've been making more of an effort to stretch after running or walking or bouncing. This is something I always mean to do but never have time for.

Now it's time. Past time, if you want to know the truth.

Stretching not just the body but the mind and heart.  It's one of the best ways I can think of to stay  limber, to keep growing and changing, not to ossify with age.

It's a personal goal for my own personal new year, which starts ... today.

New Dawn

If I had endless subject matter (which I do) I wouldn't have to write twice in one week about roses. But roses are on my mind right now. On my mind — and in my sight.

As I write, the petals are oh so softly falling off the New Dawn Climbing rose. It budded slowly this year in the cold spring, then burst quickly into blossom. Night before last it shimmered in the little porch lights, a fairy garden.

I chose this plant from a garden catalog shortly after we moved to this house. I wanted an English cottage garden, and climbing roses would be part of it.

They are the only part of it that survived. Virginia does not have a cool, rainy climate. Astilbe and larkspur don't flourish here.

But the New Dawn has thrived. It clambers over the pergola, hangs heavy over the glass-topped table.

It is a gracious nod toward projects past, a hopeful sign of projects future.

Double Booked

It was the standard answer every time one of the kids needed a book for class. "We have that book ... somewhere." At which point the search would begin.

Was it in the office, where there are two floor-to-ceiling book shelves? In the living room's built-in bookcase (one of the two reasons we bought the house, the other being the big backyard)? Was it the alcove bookshelf at the top of the stairs? Or in the new bookshelves by the bathroom? In Suzanne's room, or Claire's or Celia's? Or maybe in the basement. There are bookshelves under the window there (mostly children's classics) or by the door to the laundry room (a hodgepodge).

Chances are, though, that the book was somewhere I hadn't thought to look — behind another row of books.

While I remembered double-shelving some books that way, there were rows of others I just recently found.

It was like discovering a hidden kingdom, realizing there were 40, 50 or 60 books I'd completely forgotten we had. Or maybe not... Maybe those were the books I was looking for all along!

Green and Blue

On a walk last week I stopped to snap a picture of a blue spruce with its new green growth. This happens every year, of course, but for once I was in a position to notice it.

I love the dusty blue of the  mature tree, how it looks so wintry in winter with its cool tones, its chilly hue. But I think I love it even more now after seeing the green behind it.

Look beneath the hood, it tells me. See what there is to see,

Roses and Parakeets

Today I have only four hours of Winrock work ahead of me then an afternoon and three whole days off. I'm wondering what it would be like to have unlimited time and space. Frightening at first, I imagine, but maybe not. It would be stepping off the carousel into some sort of other time-space continuum with only my own to-do list to guide me.

Here's the thing, though. I have a hefty internal to-do list. It's a vague one, needing time and energy to flesh out, and the thought of being face-to-face with it is mildly terrifying.

But still, there are mornings like this, full of blooming roses and chirping parakeets, when I'd like nothing better than to chuck it all and just ... be .... free ...

View from the Spot

Today was my parent's wedding anniversary, so I'm thinking about them and about my visit to the cemetery last weekend when I was in Lexington.

I'm lucky that it's only been recently that I factor in a trip to the cemetery when I visit home. But factor it in I do. On the last trip I thought about what a lovely view is available from their final resting place. It's an open sunny expanse, with cows grazing in a grassy field a stone's throw away.  One could argue that the view from a plot doesn't matter to those who inhabit it, but it does to those who visit.

Because it's a military cemetery, there are strict restrictions on what kinds of flowers and ornaments you can lay on the graves. I settled for a small American flag, in honor of Dad's service and the upcoming Memorial Day. Next time, I'll bring flowers for Mom.

Can't Wait

An early walk this morning through a damp May morning. Peonies hang their heads, roses, too. Iris stand upright, beards glistening, and grasses gleam with moisture. I tip the heavy planter where the new impatiens are struggling to root; they're almost floating in water, we've had so much rain.

It's the time of year when everything seems most alive. Cardinals sing and swoop. Copper comes inside drenched from rainwater he's picked up from scooting underneath the azalea bushes.  Honeysuckle scent wafts from a tangle of greenery down at the corner. I inhale deep whiffs of it coming and going.

How nice it would be if I could follow this day through its moments. If I could walk, run, bounce and pedal through it. If I could be present for its drowsy afternoon.

Instead, I clean up and drive, walk, Metro and bus to the city. I write these words in a clean, calm office building made of steel and glass. The buzzing, blaring natural world seems far away.

I can't wait to get back to it.

Ramping Down

National Airport is only a mile from my office, less as the crow flies (though Google Maps doesn't chart crow-fly mileage).  But it took me half an hour to navigate yesterday because of the time I spent  backtracking.

The problem was that I had walked from the office to the airport but never the other way around. I  had the general idea but couldn't figure out the specifics (like finding the bridge that crosses the parkway and the railroad tracks). Airport signage (in fact, most signage) does not favor walkers!

Eventually I found the road that led to the ramp that led to Crystal City. It all seemed so easy once it fell into place. I was on the downward slope, heading back to office and home.

(The first National Airport terminal in 1941, shortly after it opened. Courtesy Library of Congress.)

We Did It!

I knew when I heard the trumpet solo in the Triumphal March from Aida that there was a different energy at the performance. Something inspired, something transcendent. Seasoned artists say that performances aren't usually better than rehearsals, but this one was.

I'm not saying that this particular performer played better at the concert. I was nervous, almost dropped my bow switching from pizzicato to arco. But I held on, made most of the notes in the run, did not rush the entrance in the exposed string bass part half way through the Verdi, and was able to hit the harmonic in the tip-of-the-bow opening of the Firebird finale.

From there on, the hair stood up on the back of my neck as I played our B flats and E flats, putting everything I had into those notes, doing my awkward vibrato, hearing the timpani pounding behind me. I didn't just play the music, I felt it. The trumpets and trombones blaring out their final chords, the whole marvelous ensemble, and at its helm, Dr. Joe Ceo, 85 years old.

"We're doing this again in five years for the 75th anniversary," he said after the concert, as a bunch of us stood around, still in a bit of a rush from it all. "You all will have to be here for it, because I don't know if  I will be." No way, we said. If you can do it at 85, you can do it at 90.

It was that kind of music, that kind of concert, that kind of day.

(The Central Kentucky Youth Orchestra with vocal soloists in its final performance of the 2017-2018 season. No pictures of the Reunion Orchestra yet!) 

Concert Day

Bow has met bass, performers have met conductor, the intrepid Dr. Joe Ceo, and in a few hours we will practice briefly, then take our turn on stage.

There are about 50 or 60 of us in the Reunion Orchestra, of wildly varying ages and abilities. Take the string bass section for starters. Our first chair is a professional bass player, a conservatory graduate and first chair of the Buffalo Philharmonic; he's about 20 years out of high school. Next is a member of the Lexington Philharmonic and longtime teacher who was in the youth orchestra a couple of years before I was. Next to me is a 2017 high school graduate who was playing his final concert with the Central Kentucky Youth Orchestra this time last year.

Not that any of this matters. Playing music together banishes age and occupation. What's important is being in tune, on time and willing to give our hearts to the task at hand.

And of that there is no question.  We traveled from New York and Texas and California and Virginia to do just that.

Have Bow, Will Travel

I am usually an optimist, but not enough to pack my string bass bow in checked luggage on the flights from Little Rock to Lexington. The bow, and my concert black clothes, were stuffed into my smallish briefcase. Or, to be more precise, my computer, notebooks, journal, book and clothes were stuffed in the briefcase. The bow was resting on top of it as I roamed around the Charlotte Airport.

To back up a bit here ... The Central Kentucky Youth Orchestra is providing a string bass but I'm providing the bow for this weekend's musical activities. I'm so glad it's not the other way around, but the bow has presented some logistical challenges. It's too large to fit into a carry-on bag, which is why I was checking luggage to begin with. And it's fairly delicate, too, so it has been well padded.

Now the bow and the bassist (seems presumptuous ... but that would be me) are on their way to pick up the bass and take it to Bryan Station High School, where the rehearsal (and the fun begins).

Have bow, will travel.

View from the Brow

Yesterday, for the "retreat" part of this work week in Arkansas, we drove an hour and a half west to Petit Jean Mountain. It was where the organization I work for began —  and a place that holds special memories for me.

I spent most of the day at a conference room inside, but there were a few minutes at the beginning and end of the day when I could walk to the brow of the hill and savor the view —  the big puffy clouds casting shadows on the fields, the hawks soaring high above the pines, the two mountain ranges that draw the gaze ever westward.

It was a view that captivated me decades ago — and still does. I thought about why. It's more than just the beauty, I think. It's also the promise and perspective, metaphor for a nation that once stretched its legs across a continent and took its strength from people and from place.

Down in the Delta

On Tuesday, my colleagues and I drove two-and-a-half hours south to see some of the work we've done in a small town called Lake Village.

It's a pretty little place, situated on the banks of the largest natural oxbow lake in the country. Before visiting I had no idea there were any oxbow lakes in the country, natural or un-.  Lake Chicot was formed when the Mississippi River shifted course 800 years ago. It was discovered by the French explorer Lasalle in 1685.

It was 95 degrees and dusty in the Delta (we were only eight miles from Mississippi), but looking at Lake Chicot cooled me off a bit. Enough that I decided to take a stroll along it and see the cypress trees with their knobby knees.

Into Arkansas

I've been working with Winrock for two years and am finally at headquarters in Little Rock, Arkansas. I flew here Monday morning, looking out the window at the bright sun and clouds, at  the green patchwork below.

When I lived in Arkansas years ago, I wrote an essay called "Out of Arkansas." It was a play on Out of Africa, the memoir by Isak Dinesen (Karen Blixen).

My move from Manhattan to a mountaintop in Arkansas seemed as radical to me as Karen Blixen's trip to Kenya must have seemed to her. And when I looked from the plane and saw the vast landscape below, I thought of the breadth of Africa and of the American West.

It's a liberating landscape for those accustomed to more cloistered, forested Eastern environs.

Good Night, John Boy

I'm remembering Mother's Days of the past, including my first as a mother, which was also my first day in the Virginia house.  I can remember another a few years later, including a meal at a now-defunct restaurant when the cleaning crew started sweeping around our table mid-meal because the girls had made such a mess — and we swore we wouldn't eat out again as a family for at least 10 years.

I can remember so many other Mother's Days with my own dear mother, and how I would sometimes have breakfast with her and dinner with my daughters.

Yesterday I hung out all day with the girls, laughing over old times and new times, buying and planting flowers, sipping Mimosas, sharing laughs and eating way too much yummy food. One of the highlights was when Celia unveiled this Mother's Day card, riffing on my fave show (from eons ago), the Walton's -- complete with Capehart stand-ins (including dogs and cats). We roared over this one!

Feeling so grateful this morning, so thankful that these smart, funny, beautiful young women are my daughters.

My Musical Dad

Today would have been Dad's 95th birthday, and he would have gotten a kick out of it. Imagine me such an old man, he'd say, with his trademark grin.

I've been thinking a lot about Dad and music as I practice for the concert next weekend. How he made sure Tchaikovsky or Rachmaninoff was blaring from the stereo, about his excitement finding the "Suite from Spartacus" in a bargain bin.

Dad grew up on church and popular music; classical music he found on his own. He never grew tired of telling me how: It was watching "Fantasia" that turned him on (and not in the way that my generation got turned on during "Fantasia"). He heard Leopold Stokowski and the Philadelphia Symphony play Beethoven's "Pastorale" and Mussorgsky's "Night on Bald Mountain" — and music was never the same.

In fact, Dad was on a committee tasked to find the money to fly the Central Kentucky Youth Orchestra to a music educator's conference in Russia. Since the invitation was unexpected, he and the other committee members had only a few months to finance the trip. Dad used all his sales personality and charm on business and civic leaders — "our budgets were committed months ago," they demurred — and even on the U.S. State Department, the closest he came to a bull's eye. They were going to charter a military plane for us — quite a feat during those Cold War days.

In the end Dad didn't quite pull it off, but it gave him lots of stories to tell. Now Dad is gone, so I tell the stories for him.

(Photo: Walt Disney Pictures. Don't get me for copyright infringement; this is for my dad!)

Why She Writes

Last night I watched the documentary "The Center Does Not Hold," about the writer Joan Didion. It chronicled Didion's chronicles of crazy episodes in our nation's history: Haight-Ashbury, Charles Manson's murder of Sharon Tate and others, the kidnapping of Patty Hearst. But mostly the film is about Joan Didion's thinking on these things.

A Wikipedia article about Didion mentions a 1980 essay by Barbara Grizutti Harrison, who wrote that Didion is a “neurasthenic Cher” whose subject is always herself. Apparently, that article rankled Didion for decades. Of course, the essayist’s subject is always herself.

Almost none of us writing essays will achieve Didion's fame, but we can all do what she did, which she explained in her essay "Why I Write": "I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means."

(In Didion's honor, a western landscape.)

Musical Dreams

I guess the notes were flowing a little better during my practice session last night (a guarantee that they won't flow well today!). Whatever the reason, I found myself wondering this morning if there is a community orchestra in the area.

And lo and behold ... there is! Not only that, but they have summer "reading sessions" where they invite members of the community to come and play with them. I will be in town for every one.

And so ...

I'm remembering what a big part music used to play in my life, how it's taken a back seat to schooling, working, child rearing and how ... it may not have to anymore.

First, I have to get through the Verdi and the Stravinsky. And then, we'll see ...

The Walking Wait

Arlington's ART 43 bus is punctual enough to set your watch to — although I suppose no one sets a watch anymore. But through the months I've ridden the "Art 43" I've come to count on its regularity.

This morning was another story. I figured there was a good excuse, and there was. An accident on the route tied up traffic for miles. But I waited ... and waited. A small crowd soon formed.

What's more important, though, is how I waited. On a Metro platform you can pace but you can't walk. When you're waiting for this bus, at least in the morning, you can walk — because the bus makes a little jog around a short block, and if you walk clockwise around the stop, you'll see the bus in time to run for it.

All of which is to say that today I walked while I waited.

The walking wait (waiting walk?) is not the most restful walk I take. But it's better than just plain waiting.

(Rice paddies in the sun. I figure if the walk wasn't restful, at least the picture can be.)

Joy in D.C.!

I'm not a big ice hockey fan — I don't know a check from a puck — but I know jubilation when I see it. And jubilation is the story here in Washington, D.C., as the Capitals advance to the Stanley Cup finals for the first time in 20 years.

I found out from a text from Claire, my hockey-loving daughter, who used about half a dozen exclamation points at the end of her message.

It's that kind of joy. As Washington Post sports columnist Dan Steinberg wrote,  D.C. reacted "about how you'd expect a city might react, if that city had been waiting for 7,000 or so days for a team to get to this particular spot, and if that city had seen this particular team come up short in this particular round against this particular opponent every particular spring.  There was relief. There was delirium. There was exaltation."

It's one of those wins that feels like more than what it really is, that feels like payback for living in a "swamp" where troubling political news combines with troubling Metro news (including the closure of four stations for 98 days next year) combines with killer traffic for a uniquely D.C. type of misery.

But today is different. It's May. The azaleas are bursting with jewel-tone blossoms. Pollen is on the run. The Caps may not make it all the way. But right now it's more than enough that they made it here.

(Photo: Washington Capitals)

Practice, Practice, Practice

My daughters may disagree with me, but I don't recall bugging them too much about practicing when they were studying cello, clarinet and voice. I think I know why. I don't like practicing either, never have.

Now is no different. I wish I could say that practicing the string bass is stirring my soul and enriching my life. But truth to tell, I sandwich in the minutes around everything else, often in the evening when I'm exhausted. Sometimes I don't know whether I'm holding the bass or the bass is holding me.

This is good news, though. It confirms, for one, that I made the right career choice. I can immerse myself in writing or editing and the hours fly by. The minutes I spend practicing the bass do not.

But all the minutes will be worth it when I'm part of an orchestra again, contributing my own (I hope in-tune) notes to that swelling symphonic sound.

Born in the Bluegrass

Yesterday, researching who I wanted to pull for in today's Kentucky Derby, I ran across a fun statistic. Seventeen of the 20 mounts in the race were born in the Bluegrass. The Lexington newspaper had all the birthplaces, many of them clustered in the Pisgah Pike, Versailles area near where my parents used to live.

I didn't know all of the farms (though I knew some, most notably Calumet, with its distinctive white and red trim). But I know all of the places, know the two-lane roads that wind to them, the way the Osage orange tree branches arch over their lanes. The roll and tilt of the land is familiar to me; it's what I grew up with, too.

Reading those farm names, I could smell the tobacco scent that would waft through the air in the fall when I was a little girl, back when the big auction houses were still there. I could smell the aroma of Lexington's own racetrack, Keeneland, an amalgam of spilled beer and turned soil.

Once these places were part of my external landscape, now they're part of my internal one.

Headspace and Legroom

Children need roots and wings, says one adage. They need the security of home and family and the confidence and freedom to fly away from it.

It occurs to me today, riffing on this, that what I need now is headspace and legroom.

Headspace so I can vanish into a world of my own creation, beyond home, family and work.

Legroom because as much as I need the mental space, I crave physical movement, too.

It's freedom I'm after, both literal and metaphorical.

Deck Post

It's the first post of the season that I'm writing on the deck before leaving for work. It's warm enough to sit out here in shirtsleeves, a delicious reversal from months of chilly mornings.

The windows were open so I woke this morning to the slap of the newspaper on the driveway. An almost full moon was setting as I left the house.

It's a different kind of day when I have a chance to walk before work — more expansive, softer around the edges, routine on the run.

So even though I should be leaving now, I take another sip of tea, linger a little longer with the birdsong and the faraway traffic noise. In a moment I'll get up, shoulder my bag, leave the house, drive to Metro.

But not yet.

Sappy But True

Nothing makes a mother happier than to know her grown children are hanging out together, chatting in the evenings after work, caring. That's the way I feel, and I remember Mom feeling that way, too. What's amazing is how the practice carries on through time, even when the parents are gone.

My brothers and sister and I spend holidays together when we can, check up on each other, chat in the evenings after work. And we care. The caring is not without a price, but it's always worth it.

My parents gave us many gifts — optimism, resilience, a love of ideas — but best of all was the gift of each other, a fact we would have found shocking as squabbling kids in the back of a hot station wagon.

I write this today because it's Ellen's birthday, as good a day as any to say how lucky I am to have a sister, how I can't imagine going through life without one.

(Ellen and I have given each of our daughters two sisters!) 

Play it Again, Anne

A few months ago a high school friend called to tell me that the Central Kentucky Youth Symphony Orchestra was celebrating its 70th anniversary with a reunion concert May 20 and all alumni were invited to play. I knew in an instant that I would do everything I could to be there. The CKYSO made adolescence bearable. It introduced me to a group of people whose idea of a good time was listening to Wagner's Liebestod on a Saturday night.

The only problem: I haven't played a the string bass since I was in high school. I had to find one (actually two, because I'll be flying to Kentucky for the concert), then ... I had to start practicing.

I accomplished one of those missions before I went to Asia and the other 10 days ago when I found a bass to rent here and somehow got it home in a small sedan. Since then I've been practicing whenever I can, trying to get the notes in my fingers again.

To relearn an instrument after decades away from it is a humbling experience. I forgot how much effort it takes to stretch my left hand into position and still hold up the instrument. To give you an idea just how remedial a bass student I am: I had to Google the string intervals. (The string bass is unique among stringed instruments; it's tuned in fourths — E, A, D and G — instead of fifths.)

But after more than a week at it, the positions and scales are coming back and I'm learning how much to tighten the bow (not as much as I was the first few days — the poor thing was starting to pop some hairs).

Now I just have to learn the bass parts for Stravinsky's Firebird and Verdi's Aida. To be continued ...